My Special Corner of Strange Ideas

Welcoming Spring

2011-04-18T09:10:00.004+02:00

I always had a certain weakness towards Spring

Its the revival season .. in which the earth go young again .. and all creatures celebrates with a fertility rituals

Mating

Dancing

Joying

Singing

Blooming

I decided to celebrate myself .. bought a BASIL plant ..

Generally ... to add some green to my life

Symbolically .. to revive my weary self .. and help me to face the sun again

Spiritually .. it is a Holy Basil worshiped by the hindu .. it represents represents purity, serenity, harmony, luck, happiness and good health.

Promise to my plant ... i will love and cherish you always

My Strange Idea for Today

I MUST find spiritual symbols in everything

I Transform

2011-03-25T23:46:00.007+02:00

"Nature is in a constant state of transformation" - sophie's world (p33)

so do we !!

so do everything .. and everyone around

I changed .. a great part of me

some qualities were lost forever in the endless darkness of the oceans

some qualities were acquired .. but not all are angelic ..

and some were haunted for .. adaptation is a necessity

Everyday i look in the mirror to find a change .. slight .. but exist

a hair is whitening

a wrinkle is crawling on the side of myface

a sight of confidence is increasing

a heart beat of fear is Sneaking to the usual rythm of my heart

I TRANSFORM

Even my dreams ... my thoughts ... the way i look to things

depressing?

sometimes .. i miss me .. the ignorant young girl who is still taking her first steps in life

sometimes .. i hate me .. the clumsy who hardly listens to anybody ... want only to do what she wanna ... without rational thoughts about the consequences

I TRANSFORM

even my words ... my interests ... even the way i embrass things

encouraging??

sometimes .. i love the change .. i love what i gained .. the high level of tolerence .. the rationality of thinking .. the wisdom

sometimes .. i hate it .. for i cant enjoy the crazy pleasures of life

TRANSFORMATION

is what we are going through

physically .. mentally .. spiritually

but if there is only one fact in this change .. i fear more of tomorrow .. the dragon heart that use to beat once inside me .. is soften ..

heart ache i feel

My Strange Idea for Today

we dont use well our time .. we only keep spilling it

WHO ARE YOU ?!

2011-03-22T11:27:00.007+02:00

I spent all my life trying to answer this question .. trying to identify my identity .. my true identity that's full of conflicts .. of possible normal things .. of impossible freaky things .. of ME .. Real ME .. TRUE ME

Am not the one who goes to work at 8 am and spend long boring hours till 4 pm

Am not the one who stands in the street with a blank mind waiting for transportation

Am not the one who spends her time wondering on facebook from one game to the other to kill time and spell its pure blood on the floors of history

Am not the one who cannot concentrates while reading something mysterious without embrassing it and feel its mystical power flow inside my veins .. triggering my mind

Am not the one with no dreams .. no thoughts .. no imagination

I am other

Finding my true self took me ages of wander .. thru worlds beyound ordinary minds

Finding my identity ... is freedom

I am WATER ... that contains all human bodies and wash away their pain and anger .. release their fake self and turn them back to who they really are

I am WIND ... that travels between worlds we dont even know they exist .. absorbing knowledge and spread it everywhere

I am EARTH ... whose fertility give birth to a whole world full of wonders
I am FIRE ... that burns with anger all enemies .. yet warm my beloved one .. welcome him .. and embrass him

Am the universe itself .. a wonder in my creation by the ultimate creator

who am i ?

I am that girl who enjoys simple pleasures of life .. like walking bare foot on the green dewed grass .. and the smell of the fresh waves bringing me news from afar

I am that witch who can enchant living creatures with spells made of spices.. milk .. and honey

I am that warrior who defend her beloved ones with her soul .. and sword

I am a woman .. the bringer of life .. and the giver of love

I am a woman .. the mysterious .. the soft .. the beautiful .. the wild

I am a woman .. the armor from fears .. the chaser of pain

This is me

The absolute fact .. a woman who is living and giving and iteracting with the universe and embrace its secrets

and You !!!

My Strange Idea of Today

Do you really Know Who You Are?!!

My Life in Pink

2011-02-22T10:38:00.008+02:00

NEW Life

NEW Phase

NEW Me

Welcoming my NEW BLOG

My Life in Pink

قراءات من زمن فات: بجماليون توفيق الحكيم

2010-11-27T21:28:00.004+02:00

قراءة فى بجماليون توفيق الحكيم على بلوجايتى الفيسبوكبه

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=114503965276955&topic=50

Art of Relaxation: my Receipe to Get out of the Blues

2010-11-07T22:09:00.017+02:00

How 15 consecutive days of hard times and problems will leave me?!?!?!

Completely not myself

Soaked with negative energy

Anger was flowing in my veins

Poisoning my blood
Polluting my brain cells

I was breathing the dust of loss and sorrow

That day ... I woke up with a grey feeling ..

With a need to push away the dark clouds shadowing my mind.. purif my inner self .. and relax

and an urge to merge with nature with a touch of ancient rituals

I sat in my living room... switched off the light .. closed my lovely floral curtains and sat on the relaxing couch

all what i needed is a shade of light ... coloring my walls

silently i started to prepare my spiritual relaxing ambiance... beginning with:

Floral scented candles .. spreading the smell of ancient gardens .. fill the small space with pure white light .. hunting down the negative spirits that invaded my mind and soul... creating a protective aura ... surrounding my mortal being

Then put a candle in the semi transparent Salt Lamp ... breathing as if it was alive .. erupting with showers of negative ions in the space of my room ..neutralizing the surrounding air... sending a warm feeling to my body and soul .. rejuvenating my brain cells

Lilac Incense in the center.. the ascending smoke twirls in front of my eyes .. drawing scenes of magical worlds .. war .. love .. monsters hunted by knights .. and in the corner shows a pinkish cloud .. with a crystal palace.. in which i lived for long nights and days

Spiritual Relaxing Music in the background... nurturing my weary soul... inspiring me... wash my inside with soft waves of melodies... one wave after the other... pulling the poisonous reality away from me.. into deep dark seas of endless magical stories

and to complete the feeling of ecstasy.. i fixed myself a cup of Raspberry flavored Tea.. in my special china.. slowly sipping one rich portion after the other.. feeling the hot sacred liquid vanquishing the thirst of my dry spirit

I was reaching a spiritual climax

Filling my senses .. one after the other..

Visioning magical worlds

Hearing music from heaven

Smelling ancient wisdom

Tasting peace and balance

Feeling relaxed and numb

I felt as if i am in a beautiful forest ... bathing in sunlight ... flying inside a clear stream ... filled with songs of angels and sacred sparrows

I felt as if i am laying on the morning dewed grass .. watching cottony clouds racing aimlessly.. and laughers of nymphs rising from no where

I felt a volcano of love erupting inside me... and a need to fall in my husbands arms ... kissing his soft lips lovingly ... closing my eyes .. hearing his heart beats that increasingly call my name

I was gaining myself back ... my true me .. and from that day on .. i decided to write again

It now became a habit ... every free morning .. I create my little world .. and Dream

My Strange Idea for Today

I am a Goddess

Digital ID and The Kind Hacker

2010-11-05T21:07:00.007+02:00

I believe in the digital world

I believe that a part of us is living in this world .. in homes made of binary codes and scripts ... walking in complicated networked streets ... feed on the endless data flows of the internet

I believe that each one of us has a Digital ID... including our mails.. social networks accounts.. blogs.. subscriptions.. ect

how does it feel to loose all of that in ONLY two days ??!!

I lived a nightmare ... starting from Monday Nov. 1st

my mails started to fall ... one after the other... my facebook accounts... and finally the most disasterous of all ... my google account ... containing my blogs ... my gmail ...and my docs

I lost all of that ... I lost digital me ... my digital home ... my digital family ... my digital friends ... my digital memories ... my words ... my feelings

I felt lost .. empty .. strange

as if I am swiming in a vast ocean of zeros and ones without a shore

as if I am walking in a big city of data and information .. homeless

as if I am alienated .. banished .. exiled .. nameless

i had a trauma for the days after .. was afraid of touching a computer

Praying for a savior .. a super hero .. a man who fears no system or DB .. a man who can conquer the wild hidden lands of the digital world

sitting in my bed ... eyes sealed to the ceiling ..

UNTIL

it was blinded with the shining armor of the hero .. the knight .. the savior .. my Husband

in despite of the fact that he is a doctor .. but he has been into computers and networks since its dark ages

he drew his laptop .. gathered all his digital forces .. jumped in the dark alleys of the internet .. to get me back my digital identity .. to wash away the tears of his princess ... and draw a smile over her face again

two days of continuous work .. and progress was 60% ... gaining authority again over my google account, a facebook account, and an e-mail

UNTIL

Thursday night ..

routinely cheeking my gmail .. a message in the form of a comment ...

from THE HACKER

apologizing .. giving a key word to gain back the remaining of the mails and facebooks ... claimig it was a mistake .. promising it was not misused

it cant be by mistake or coincidence that all my blogs .. facebooks .. e-mails has been hacked

ME ... SPECIFICALLY

I have no clue about this persons purposes .. drivers .. reasons

all what i know is that i lived a bad week .. with minimum hope to gain my digital self back

AND HOW DO I FEEL NOW

a strange mix between anger and happiness

after all: with 0% loss ... am 100% lucky winner

but i believe in signs .. no coincidence .. no luck in here .. there are lessons to be learned .. and messages between the lines:

- to better use my digital existence ...

- to take care of digital security matters

- to write again

- never use personal accounts but through my own secured computer

For 10 Years of my digital life... i have never gone through such a situation ... here i am ...learned the hard way

Be Grateful ... Never take anything lightly ... for granted

even if it was a Digital Identity

My Strange Idea for Today

I am ... 01101110 01100001 01101110

The Magic of Being Two

2010-11-01T14:22:00.006+02:00

Do you know about Yin and Yang

Its forces .. Its nature .. Its spiritual symbolic meaning

Yin and Yang has always been my favorit symbole... i even put it in front of me at my office

Yin and Yang has been the symbole of perfection out of contradiction
Yin and Yang is the magic of integrating two different forces to make a whole complete circle - the most perfect shape that has been ever created

Yin and Yang is the symbole that reflects the current story of my life

I Got Married

I have broken the circle of sadness and fear

I united my soul with another soul

I am experiencing the true meaning of Yin and Yang

Two different characters

Two unlike pieces of puzzles
Two diverse souls

Met .. Repulsed .. Attracted .. Fell .. United

I am Yin .. He is Yang

I am darkness .. He is light

I am the moon .. He is the sun

I am the shade that shelters him .. He is the brightness that shows me the way

I am the arms in which he rests .. He is the arms that turn the wheel of life

I am earth, the mother, the seed bearer .. He is Heaven, the Father, the seed giver

I am matter .. He is energy

I am water .. He is fire

I am the body .. He is the head

I am the interior .. He is the exterior
I conserve our relations .. He transforms our relation from one level to the other

I am Love .. He is life

I am Yin .. His Yang

I Got Married

living the aspects of Yin and Yang relationship, with all its magic

* Yin and Yang are Opposit: body .. soul .. mind ..

I am short .. He is tall

He is tanned .. I am white

I am spiritual .. He is scinetific

He is futuristic .. I am old fashioned

My mind runs behind the secrets of the universe .. His mind is robotic and computerized
He is a leaders .. I am a Priestess

*Yin and Yang are inter-independant: cannot exist without each other

waking up in the morning with a smile i am his and he is mine

my existence in this life depend on his existence in mine

It is not about the bond of mariage .. it is about the integration

Life is him .. Life is me .. Life is US .. and our future to be

*Mutual Consumption of Yin and Yang

Giving .. consuming feelings .. demanding love .. mutual sharing .. the union .. the us

I devour his feelings .. He feeds on mine

our minds .. our brain cells work on the same wave length .. filling our minds with knowledge

our souls .. fly over clouds of pure feelings .. over the fresh breezes of sensuality

our bodies .. our cells are calling each other .. integrate .. unite .. as if they were made from the same matter

*Inter Transpformation of Yin and Yang: one can change into the other, it is not random event, it happens only when the time is right

I am his female version.. I am acquiring his characters .. he is acquiring mine .. we are disolving in each other to the extent of being one .. to the extent of being same .. to the extent of speaking same words, doing same acts, at the same time , to the extent of when we look in each others faces we see each other faces

Yin an Yang has been always my favorit symbol ...

but now it is not just a symbol...

It is a way of life...

My strange Idea for Today

I am Two

Behind the Stone Face

2009-07-22T02:40:00.006+03:00

I know a girl who knew many men in her life .. as a result of her exposure and life style

some were freinds

some were loving her madly .. but unfortunately ... from one side

and few she felt they worth trying with ... but end up with a complete rejection from her side

all that is practicaly normal .. during the course of our life .. we kow people that we categorize under the previous categories

but this is not why i am writing this ..

the pattern i have spotted through her stories has attracted my attention... :

"She mainly attracts men with brain ... with power ... with strong existence in life ... those who are loved and feared and greatly respected"

and behind their stone face .. she could find the most tender loving heart .. and transform the rocky feelings into a stream of water to the extent of writing her poetry .. and make them melt in an endless status of adoration and lust that can never be satisfied but with her

Man .. this simple yet complicated creature

what can ever touch the heart of a man with the previously mentioned qualities??

that is the question that i asked her several times, and i got nothing but a puzzeled smile from her side!!!

as i thought a lot about this matter .. and through reading the pattern of her stories and knowing her personality .. i could reach a one line rule

be simple .. be passionate .. be natural .. and above all be true .. and the most complicated Man will b yours

a complicated man .. is searching for shelter from the weight of his restless mind and wandering soul ... a shelter fromt he daily fights .. from the fakness that he can easily read through the others eyes

he is seeking his mother in you

a mother who is simple and take anything easily and lightly and make the most complicated issue going

a mother whose love is endless .. and whose passion about the silliest thing her son do is enormous .. making him feel as if he is the best man on earth

a mother who is so natural without any fake feelings .. and with a look like flowers showered with morning dew ... reading his most hidden thoughts .. and reach deep his fears .. washing them away

a mother who is true in everything she does .. and beleives in everything he does

mystery of life ... revealed

My Strange Idea for Today

I am a Mother

Reality Vs My Stubborn Mind

2009-07-15T09:27:00.004+03:00

I woke up this morning with a feeling that i have neutralized a long time ago ..

neutralized out of my increasing sense of reality .. i didn't chose to grow up .. as a Friend of mine told me the past week .. i am just overwhelmed with loads of critical events that take place in my life.

back to the feeling

i have always been complaining that i don't have a definite feeling of reality .. nor a definite feeling of a world of my own creation... i am in between

for a while i sunk my mind in that sweet soft world of mine .. my master piece of all time ... a world of my own creation .. where i live, breath, feel, love... and it did me really well .. i became the woman i wish .. and all my feelings poured out of my mind in the form of stories that enchanted others

and then reality struck me with cold winds of duty .. so i have to pack and leave my world ... but with a promise to be back once in a while .. and it happened .. every now and then .. i go visit my other life .. live for a while .. then go back to reality .. until

reality consumed my time and mind .. and i lost all contact with my world

i was confused .. but i adapted fast .. for i didn't had the luxury to lay down and think ... i have only one path ... act and never react .. others fate was hanged in my neck .. so i have to move .. and put back my armor, sword and shield .. call for all my forces .. and fight for the good of others and myself

weary of fights ..

longing for my true self ... an enchantress from other time

but blinded with duty .. deafened with calls of help

so i had to keep fighting mercilessly, fiercely, and fearlessly

until yesterday....

i felt it coming, but didn't believe it ... after all this time .. the gates of my world are open again .. glowing under the morning soft rays of lights ..

i slept and woke up

not knowing where i am

not knowing who i am

try to figure out

do things out of habit .. not out of realization

i feel my world again

i listen to the angelic music .. even the devilish cries of shadows beneath earth

i smell the flowers of the spring .. and even the blood of the fights between good and evil

i hear the melodies of harps played by nymphs of forests ... and even the clings of verocious swords searching for blood

i touch the soft warm clouds with my pinkish toes .. and even the hard rocks beneath the stream of the river

i am back

not fully

still on the edge of two worlds

back again to point zero

my stubborn dreamy mind is pushing me away from reality

and reality is pulling me under calls of duty

to which i will bend ... to which i will belong ... in this critical time ?

My Strange Idea for Today

Defensive Mechanism .. The Runaway ME

Quotes about MEN

2009-07-08T09:37:00.002+03:00

Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever. ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone. ~ Blaise Pascal

God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him. ~ Unknown

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot. ~ Oscar Wilde

A man may conquer a million men in battle but one who conquers himself is, indeed, the greatest of conquerors. ~ Buddha

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~ Billy Crystal

Men play the game; women know the score. ~ Roger Woddis

When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself. ~ Louis Nizer

Few men have been admired of their familiars. ~ Michel de Montaigne

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. ~ Kin Hubbard

If it’s true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers. ~ Doris Day

All men [are] of one metal, but not in one mold. ~ John Lyly

The greatest truths are the simplest, and so are the greatest men. ~ Julius Charles Hare

If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman. ~ Margaret Thatcher

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. ~ Robert Frost

The desire of excessive power caused the angels to fall; the desire of knowledge caused men to fall. ~ Francis Bacon

Priests are not men of the world; it is not intended that they should be; and a University training is the one best adapted to prevent their becoming so. ~ Samuel Butler

Men are only as great as they are kind. ~ Elbert Hubbard

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. ~ Confucius

In the long run, men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, they had better aim at something high. ~ Henry David Thoreau

It is a fact often observed, that men have written good verses under the inspiration of passion, who cannot write well under other circumstances. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won't make you cry

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” - Oscar Wild

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” - Elyan Boosler

My Strange Idea for today

and they call women complicated lol :D:D

From within

2009-07-01T16:55:00.002+03:00

today, while i was gong home, the taxi driver suddenly started to shout pointing to a car ... saying "chinese... chinese"

and then he started to complain about the flow of chinese and korean cars .. and his wishes to have an egyptian car to be proud of

he talked about the youth who wish to work ,,, and can do cars even better than this one,,, but they are just waiting for the chance

all of this is normal .. and many people agree with this man

but i don't ...

the problem in our country is that we are always waiting for someone to draw us the way and then we follow it ... ignoring our inner force .. and hiding our courage

i wonder why not a bunch of Friends start on a small project ... even if it means to work with their own hands ??? some do .. but the majority is still waiting for someone to push them forward

this is how we were raised .. and this is how we will never be but a developing country

my strange idea for today

fly with me

Welcoming Pinky

2009-06-29T18:01:00.002+03:00

She is beautiful

she is little

She is lovely

She keeps me company all the time, home, work, wherever

She helps me get creative whenever i wish

Welcom Sweet Pinky ... you really brighten my life

My Strange Idea for Today

I love Pinky

The Most Beautiful of Creatures

2009-06-28T23:59:00.005+03:00

Quotes about Women:

Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece. ~Author Unknown

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. ~Arnold Haultain

Women are always beautiful. ~Ville Valo

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points. ~Mae West

The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy. ~Ellery Queen

Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage. ~Jules Barbey d'Aurevilly

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself. ~Elizabeth Metcalf

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ~Author Unknown

Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked. ~Ovid

Women really do rule the world. They just haven't figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we're all in big big trouble. ~"Doctor Leon," drleons.com

Men who don't like girls with brains don't like girls. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Women keep a special corner of their hearts for sins they have never committed. ~Cornelia Otis Skinner

Lovely female shapes are terrible complicators of the difficulties and dangers of this earthly life, especially for their owners. ~George du Maurier

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right - instantly. ~Sam Slick (Thomas Chandler Haliburton)

I have an idea that the phrase "weaker sex" was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm. ~Ogden Nash

Be to her virtues very kind,
Be to her faults a little blind.
~Matthew Prior

They may talk of a comet, or a burning mountain, or some such bagatelle; but to me a modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object of the whole creation. ~Oliver Goldsmith

It upsets women to be, or not to be, stared at hungrily. ~Mignon McLaughlin,The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness. ~Marie de Vichy-Chamrond, Marquise du Deffand, Letters to Voltaire

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat. ~Oscar Wilde

It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman. ~Alexandre Dumas, fils

Women are in league with each other, a secret conspiracy of hearts and pheromones. ~Camille Paglia

When I glimpse the backs of women's knees I seem to hear the first movement of Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony. ~Author Unknown

If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she's late? Nobody. ~J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

No woman wants to see herself too clearly. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery. ~Diana Stürm

In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on woman. ~Nancy Astor, My Two Countries

Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell. ~Alfred Lord Tennyson

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason. ~Stanley Baldwin

Men look at themselves in mirrors. Women look for themselves. ~Elissa Melamed

A woman's whole life is a history of the affections. ~Washington Irving

Women who make men talk better than they are accustomed to are always popular. ~E.V. Lucas

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares. ~Elbert Hubbard

What men desire is a virgin who is a whore. ~Edward Dahlbert

A woman should be an illusion. ~Ian Fleming

There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature. ~Stephen Stills

A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful. ~Karl Kraus (i love this one)

Once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her. ~John Vanbrugh, The Relapse, 1696

Women have very little idea of how much men hate them. ~Germaine Greer

Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak. ~William Shakespeare, As You Like It

To get to a woman's heart, a man must first use his own. ~Mike Dobbertin, quoted in A 5th Portion of Chicken Soup for the Soul

Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little. ~Samuel Johnson

Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal. ~William Shakespeare

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. ~James Thurber

I hate women because they always know where things are. ~Voltaire

Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue. ~Hermione Gingold

Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember. ~Author Unknown

My Strange Idea for the Day

Women are Life

The Truth about EROS

2009-06-26T11:28:00.003+03:00

for those who don't know .. Eros is the Greek name of Cupid .. the son of Aphrodite or Venus .. the god of sensual love who was represented as a little cherub with wings, bow and arrows

until a while ago i thought that eros send love to the hearts of lover...

i was wrong

eros send lust .. and let the bodies burn with crazy desire .. to the extent of dying due to the urge that possess the body, soul and mind

yet.. i was also wrong

cause currently i am reading a book about the love life of the ancient greeks

on the first chapters of this book .. the writer was describing with simple words what eros really means

he is not only the one who unites souls
he isnot only the one who burns bodies with lust
he is not only the one who occupies ones mind with love thoughts

he is all that ... he is the symbole of the complete love

the love that we taste with our bodies, feel with our souls, and understand with our mind

Love.. What is Love??
we claim that we know love.. that we tasted love.. that we understand the core or the essence of love

but the truth is.. we only touched the surface of a deep ocean called love

a deep ocean in which all three holy constituents of our humanity integrates

the body
the soul
and the mind

now thinking of this .. have u ever known love?

My strange idea for today

Body to Body

Soul to Soul

Mind to Mind

Coming soon

My Love Base and Style .. all about passion

2009-06-23T10:09:00.001+03:00

Your Love is Based on Passion

When you're in love, you're brimming with emotions and desire.

For you, love can be a crazy frenzy - but somehow it all makes sense.

Love is the most important thing to you. You are capable of doing anything for love.

(This makes you very lovable... but also a little scary!)

Why your love can last: You've got the true attraction, bond, and euphoria to make it happen.

Why your love can fail: Love isn't something you really think through. Your roller coaster relationships sometimes end on a terrifying note.

What Is Your Love Based On?

Your Love Style is Eros

For you, love is all about the passion!

And chances are, you're currently in love.

You have a strong physical response to love...

And you are great at committing

(As long as the person makes your toes curl!)

What's Your Love Style?

The Life Cycle

2009-06-08T09:39:00.003+03:00

it is hard to believe reality ... even if it is crystal clear in front of your eyes

beware.. the one who smiles .. walks.. jokes.. work.. live.. is not what she really seems

there is a lot under the skin ... there is an unstable soul... keep changing from one phase to the other ... from the first day light ... until the darkness of the night

and the next day ... start over again

a mix between runaway bride .. and the first fifty dates

they are hardly combined in one personality ... but it happens .. like any unusual thing i am experiencing

someone who cannot be committed to anything in her life even religion; and at the same time has memory problem, in terms of forgetting , and being unable to organize well the different events of life .. past, present, and vision from the future .. interfere together .. and i am in the middle confused

have no shore

lost ship with no shore

i went to the sea asking him to save me

"draw my fears

suck my tears

lock my memories inside your waves"

my strange idea for today

who am i?

Sadness Strike

2009-04-29T16:54:00.003+03:00

disappointing others became my favorite sport these days

and i hardly can seem to do anything right

i lost my compass of life.. or - which is more accurate - i don't have one on the first place

lets go back with my memory to remember when i ever had one .. when i ever know what to do with my life .. when i ever did something for myself .. when i ever know who i am .. when i found my path .. !!!

answer is : NEVER

and because of that ... i suffer ... and make those who are around me suffer too

and because i am a self centered person i hardly can see where my blindness leads me

i only see my pain

consumed by my anger i became senseless .. and ill considerate of what others may feel .. depending heavily on a credit that i didn't built .. and that others have to consider my psychological problems

i feel like an angry elephant who is destroying every beautiful thing on his path without noticing .. just when i was faced with high wall that cannot be passed i looked behind ... and i started to see .. the destruction i made

but ... is it too late to make it up?

i broke many things .. in many people ..

precious things

things that even if they were repaired ... they are already cracked .. and the marks can never be healed

i have a problem

and i refuse to see it

and cause of it i lost precious people... who can never be replaced

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i can see sadness on their faces

sadness i caused

i .. the one who think she is the victim of the world ... but i end up to be the executor of beautiful feelings

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forgive me Racha for Failing you

forgive me Mai for not standing when i should

and you MOMO .. forgive me for hurting you deeply when u never deserved it

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GOD forgive me .. i am not bad.. i am just ....... angry .. and ......................................... Blind

please help me to release this anger .. help me to see the sun .. and restore what remains of me

Amen

The FORCES working in NATURE

2009-04-08T13:02:00.004+02:00

Currently i am reading an amazing book called "Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder"...

The book is presenting the History of Philosophy, in the form of a beautiful Novel... explaining the very hard to explain philosophical questions, philosophers, and terms in a a very very very simple way.

But i am not here to talk about the book... but to tell about something that attracted my attention and i thought of sharing it with you - my readers and fellow bloggers.

The first chapters are talking about how the different philosophers tried to explain the existence, and the processes of nature... away from Myth and legends of elders... and that was done by studying the nature itself

Away from all the complicated theories about existence... i want to share one theory with you... the theory of Empedocles

He suggested that all beings consist of four elements in various proportions ... those elements are: Water, Air, Fire, and Earth...

Wat was actually interesting are the forces that work on these elements to create and end life those forces are: LOVE ????????????? and Strife

Love, the force that binds elements of nature together

Strife, is the force that separate elements of nature from each other

Love?.... love !!!.... LOVEEEEEE oh god!

I dont beleive in love... i only beleive in its destructive impact... and now i see this love is the force that creates life

Love in both its relative and absolute meanings .. is life

Life evolves around love

Now you know how confused i am

My Strange Idea for Today
Love?????????????????

|||||||||| Searching for Answers Aborted ||||||||||

2009-03-14T07:03:00.003+02:00

I am giving up searching for cosmic complicated answers for my unusual questions... and try to be satisfied with the simple ones.

but i still would love to compare between simple answers and cosmic unusual ones

1) why those men who get to know me.. fall in love with me.. lust me.. and cannot stay away from me!!

unusual answer: cause i am the reincarnation of an ancient goddess of love, sexuality and magic

simple answer: cause i am a woman and that is it, men has no reason to be attracted to women, that is the way their system goes.

a goddess is a woman in the inside and outside, so simple answer is in a way or another a simple interpretation to the unusual one .. but still men has something in their mind that make them sence the femininity of the woman in front of them, no matter how tough she tried to seem... the bless of eve shows

2)what is death?

unusual answer: the transfer from one status to another, from the material to the spiritual existence while living in another dimension that has a transparent wall from which the dead are able to watch us... moreover death gives the soul a very high ability to transmit worries and guidance to the beloved ones.. so it is an enhancement in ones senses after all

simple answer: the body stop functioning and the person stop existing

mmm no there is a difference between those two answers, the first one is much more optimistic lol .. and the second is dark and sad ... read between lines

3) does love really exist?

unusual answer: love is a status of attraction and creation of physical and spiritual bond and responsibilities between two existing entities; those entities can or cannot be of the same genre, they can be two humans, a human and an animal, or a human and a unliving thing like a book or a house or a car... and as we can see human is the key word, cause simply they created that term .. and their life evolves around it since the dawn of time.

Simple answer: no

that was too simple :) but why they are contradicting !!! one says yes, and one says no !!!
i think the reason is on how we look at the word love; with its absolute meaning, or relative one!!
i cannot tell which is right, although both are mine ..

4)how do i perceive my relation with nature?

unusual answer: swim naked, stand naked feeling the morning breezes or under the rain, lay naked on the green grass and flower petals...

simple answer: nature nurture my senses

finally a similarity here, we feel through our bodies.. that is why touching is a very important mean to create bonds between two persons... we feel unmaterialistic things with our mind, and we feel materialistic things with our body... and since nature in its core is material existin things, so our body is the best tool to feel it and nurture our senses with its hidden magic.

5) one final question... why everytime i think i find the path .. i loose it? why everytime i think i found happiness.. it disappears ?

unusual answer: Fate.. we never know what is coming

simple answer: Fate... we never know what is coming

No comment on that

My Strange Idea for Today

I want to work in a radio station in a spiritual and self help program!!!... do i fit?

Wisdom of Life

2008-11-30T15:28:00.005+02:00

Angels never lived on earth

It is Autumn

2008-11-18T10:49:00.007+02:00

Dreams:

i wrote before about my dreams... usually they are of the exhausting type... suck my energy.. and leave me weary..

lately i am exposed to a set of "Dreams that carries a message"... this use to happen to me from time to time ... but since the beginning of this week... i am having them on daily basis

every day a dream

every day i see symbols

everyday i receive a message ... from god maybe .. from my inner self maybe ..

I cant say they are all bad .. but they are so exhausting .. so so so exhausting ..

my soul leaves my body every night ... roam in worlds of dreams .. fight.. cry.. kill .. die .. die .. die

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Expectations:

years ago i thought myself a principal ... and a rule about expectations

the rule is simple : don't expect, and if you do .. always expect the worst

i am not pessimistic ... i am realistic

nothing good comes from life .. or those who live in it...

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Music and Nescafe

they share one characteristic ... i am addicted to both!!

i hardly take of my ipod earphone ... and i hardly stop drinking nescafe during the day

both are slow killers

music is killing my sense of reality... my gate to runaway

and nescafe is killing my stomach.. and my brain... make me thin (which is cool lol )

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I don't care:

i don't care if i lived

i don't care if i died

i don't care if i am happy

i don't care if i am sad

i don't care if i am real

i don't care if i am a ghost

blank .. silent blank space ..

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November:

sweet sad November ... my favorite month ... the time when angels call for peace

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2008

ending .. finally .. one of the lousiest years of my life

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work

my name is the research dept. ... true .. as there is only one person in this dept. and this person is me..........................LOADED

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My Strange Idea for Today

Isn't what you read strange enough !!!

Tabitha

2008-11-12T15:05:00.003+02:00

Tabitha is the name ..
i dunno who she is .. she is no blogger ... she is just a passer by

i found her sweet comment today ... as usual touched the hidden dream in me ...

on the post "let it rain" she commented with 4 words "People should read this" ...

reading her comment draw a smile ... and send me to dreams ... to remember others who have the same opinion

one conclusion
i have to release my words.. to the whole world .. even the vast virtual space we all live in is not enough ..

knocking on the gates of my dreams

i wish to be a writer ...

but i am afraid

i fear failure

i fear ......... realizing the dream

fear is sealing my senses

and left me wordless and dreamless

people beleive in me.. but how about me!!!

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i fly .. i fly
so high ... so high
but i face a ceiling

to the right ... to the left
sealed windows and doors

i fall .. and fall
and take my words with me
hide them inside
and dream that one day we will be free

My strange Idea for Today

i stopped calling myself a blogger... a writer...

or anything that has to do with words

Remember Me...

2008-11-08T14:25:00.000+02:00

I Feel NOT !!!

2008-11-03T04:06:00.003+02:00

4 am in the morning !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD! i hate it when i sleep early, and wake up even earlier than my usual time...

this time.. the time when silence is dominating over the kingdom of man... for me it is the most peacful time of the day... and the most fearful

why peacful? well, as i said, silence, everybody is asleep, and if not, they are too weary to make any annoying activities.

and why fearful!! cause i think.. it is not that i dont think 24/7, but my thoughts are deeper and i find myself communicating with the thing i am trying to hide from ...

4 am in the morning !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love this hour specifically... maybe cause i am fond of even numbers .. so u can imagine what are my favorite hours :D 12, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10

they are my hours of luck .. or maybe that is what i wanna convince myself with... am superstitious !!

4 am in the morning !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i started to bla bla bla already ... i was going to write about something, and here i am talking about something else ! grrrrrrrrrrrr my restless mind !

ok .. let me try again...

My beloved readers ... I FEEL NOT
No doubt in that
and no joke about that

couple of days ago i saw the movie "pirats of the carribean - the curse of the black pearl" , some pirates were cursed, and the curse is to live without feeling .. strangely enough i know how it feels lol ...

c that... i know how it feels not to feel lol

i told my younger sister that other day "do you know how it is when you eat menth sweets and then drink cold water... it gives you a cold refreshing feeling in your throat and cheast.. for me .. i feel the same all the time ... but in the place of my heart"

the poor thing was looking at me with wide speechless eyes... it is either she thinks i am crazy, or feel pitty for me... or doesnt understand a single word of what i am saying..

i am not exagerating

but i feel not i hardly can call what i feel ... a feeling

i feel no joy
i feel no sadness
i feel no worry
i feel no fear
i feel no pleasure
i feel no love
i feel no passion
i feel no sympathy
i feel no compassion

i feel not
i feel nothing

there are only two feelings consuming me and turning me to the creature i am

the fire of anger

and the coldness of loneliness

they have destroyed my senses.. my feelings... me

Hard to beleive ... hard to imagine ... feelings are like trees ... if not fed with pure water, fresh air, and loving care ... they dies

the worst thing is that it hurts physically .. not just emotionally !!

ps: this one is for you Sherif for you always see the bright side in matters... i may write about love... or joy... or beautifl magical things... but they are mere imagination, which doesnt belong to this world .. just live in a world of my own creation.

My Strange Idea of Today

Heart of Stone .. Heart of Ice ..

I Shall Die Young

My Chanting... My believes

2008-10-10T02:52:00.002+02:00

i wonder!!!

2008-10-07T00:22:00.002+02:00

I don't feel ok ...

no no.. it is not the being a witch thing :)... change cannot be that fast i suppose.. it is something else .. something that makes me feel abnormal

it is all about a simple question..why do i feel strange and quiet disturbed when i hear words such as :

- you are the only one who make me feel like a real man
- you make me feel complete
- i feel i know all women by only knowing you
- you are all women
- you are a goddess
- a man can never experience a moment of boredom with you

any other woman would fly till the seventh sky hearing those words ... but i dont

such words make me think.. they make me look inside in a trial to search why a man would say such words to a woman... and why despite of all this ... i have never been lucky in a relationship!!

it is not enough to be beautiful... it is not enough to be intelligent... and it is not enough to be passionate, compassionate and kind to succeed in a relationship

god :) i cant believe what i am writing

if all of this is not enough, so what is enough

if i am every woman... if i am that beautiful and intelligent.. if i am that feminine why for god sake why i am a looser!! :(

oh!

it is midnight already... i think i have to stop asking such silly questions and head to bed... tomorrow is going to be the hardest day ever ... first day to work after ramadan good night my friends ..

and hey ... answer this question: when a man tells a woman "you make me feel like a real man"? and what he really means with that!!

My Strange Idea for Today

i always meet the right person at the very wrong time

immortal is a dead end

I dont wanna be a WITCH!!!

2008-10-05T14:53:00.002+02:00

my friends..
i curse the day in which i discovered the website "Scribd"... and the day i searched for ancient gods materials ... at the day i found a document that greatly attract my interest... the document title is "freemasonry and the hidden goddess"... the document search in goddess worshiping signs in the images of the Freemasons ... and speaking of a matriarchal societies that once lived in peace.

one thing led to the other, and i find myself reading in Taoism, and its holy book tao te ching... the history of Freemasons... the ancient goddesses... archeological discoveries.. tantra philosophy... sacred sex ... and Wicca

strangely i find most of the texts and principles familiar .. too familiar actually.. they are simply materialize my believes in words .. i believed in many of these things even before i know they exist !!

suddenly my strange ideas started to have a meaning... my flashes started to be meaningful ... the voices i hear are true

i am not delusioned as some may thing .. i have just been reincarnated in the very wrong place, with the very wrong people

in another life i was a priestess...

my problem now is that i dont wanna reveal more of my hidden knowledge to myself ... cause i dont wanna practice those pagan rituals... and different magikal spells

i remember a freind of mine told me that when he started to read about these things he got scared .. so he stopped reading and closed all discussions about this matter... he said that sometimes ignorance is a bless... and he called me crazy for thinking about these things

i dunno how to keep myself from doing so.. i feel as if a black hole is sucking me in

help!
help!

my strange idea for today
i dont wanna be a witch
i dont wanna go back to my old self
i wanna be just normal

Believe it or Not... I am in Drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-20T09:32:00.004+03:00

That is a shocking fact...

Those who don't know me will never think that I may be in drugs

and those who know me personally, will be definitely shocked ... they saw me, they dealt with me ... we laughed, we ate, we discussed different matters ... and they never noticed that i am an addict... and drugged

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I am addicted
I am out of control
And my drugs are the only thing that keeps me alive

I am addicted
I am loosing connection
And my drugs are the only thing that keeps what remains of me

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i feel as if my mind is surrounded by thick mist... I see no light... I see no darkness... and i hear no sound

i am flowing softly ... carried by wind... kissed by petals... hugged by rivers... and the mist ... oh the beautiful mist... is everywhere... I see nothing... I just feel what the mist wants me to feel...

My drugs are the gate to heaven... or to hell ... it doesn't matter... the mist knows ... the mist know

I tried to hold to the Conscious rock... to those around me... to life... to friends... to family... even to him ... they faintly call my name ... but the mist keep all voices off... the mist contains my fear... and realizes my dreams ... the mist knows... the mist knows...

What do you all want from me!! Leave me with my drugs ... leave me with my mists... go away all of you... I cant stand up... my body is loose ... I want to sleeeeep... the mist knows... yes it knows

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My Strange Idea for Today

I am Addicted to Thinking

I am Drugged with Dreams

Tagged ... My Ipod is Psychic

2008-08-19T10:40:00.003+03:00

Ok, i wanna thank insomniac for letting shimaa go out of her shell, and i wanna thank shimaa for doing the same with me ... what i like that this tag is not an ordinary one ... it is so special .. and with few words let you know about yourself ... it plays on the perception .. for Ex: the word goodbye can be painful to some, and cheerful to some ... goodbye my lover, or goodbye hard times ... it depends on the oneself ... so giving it a try was fun .. and i hope those i tagged have the same

thanks girls
you made my day

RULES:
a) Put your iTunes/music player on Shuffle.
b) For each question, press the next button to get you answer.
c) YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!

After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do them themselves.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
All I Need – Air Supply - [i like to customize things, but believe me, all i need are simple things]

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Muzik – Knoc Turnal [my music, my life, my world, my soul, my dreams]

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Stranger in the Night – Frank Sinatra [i have this bad habit of trusting strangers more than who i know ... maybe cause all my terrible wounds comes from those who i know? never stop being a stranger ... ]

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
You are the one that I Want – Grease [mm i wonder which one... come out of the books' pages!!]

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
You are still the one – Shania Twin [God i hate this... it is so damn true ... and i am ... cursed...when i love, i love ... truly love]

6. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Guru Bramha – Jai Uttal [Yeh, Right :)]

7. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Life of a Stranger – Nadia [They are Strangers to each other, and to Me]

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Deadly Avenger – Day one [I Totally AGREE]

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
You took Me out of the Blues – Michael Learn to Rock [True... Sometimes, cause some other times no one ever can get me out]

10. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Love me Tender – Elvis [Please :(]

11. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Lezaman (Have to)– Mohamed Mounir [How did my ipod know about that ... i hate goodbyes, yet, i live with an endless serie of goodbyes]

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Murrons Burrial - Brave heart soundtrack [i am buried ... i suffocate... and i cant let go the chains.. i hate my ipod]

13. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Fe youm men el ayam (one day) – Abd El Halim [i dont think so!!! or maybe i dont want to beleive so!!!]

14. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
I Know – Jude [I know is the motto of the aquarians ... but i dont think it fits a wedding, thought i want him to sing it to me]

15. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Je ne Vous Oublie pas (i will not forget you)– Celine Dion [i like that]

16. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Gabaar (Mighty) – Abd El Halim [???????]

17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Viva Forever - Spice Girls [I am secretly in love with life]

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
The Merciful one – Zohar [Some are !!]

19. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
By Heart - Sylvie Lewis [open your heart and read within the words]

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF?
Breathing Soul– Babel Soundtrack [Yeh.. Right :)]

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well, Shimaa tagged two of my favorits, so what remains to me are:
- Arabic ID
- Xero
- Eyad Harfoush

My Strange Idea for Today

I Love My IPOD

The Runaway Bride

2008-08-12T11:12:00.002+03:00

Ok .. I admit it… I am a runaway bride!!!

Yesterday I slept early, after taking one hell of a medication to ease my stomach ach… and In the silence and the darkness of my room, and under the effect of the medication… I started to think about myself, and asked a very simple question… why am I still sleeping alone in my bed? Why there is no warmth of a human being by my side telling me that I am not alone!!

The answer was presented in the form of flashes of many faces I knew in my life… faces that carry a cheerful smile… turned into sadness when I got out of their circle and continued my path.

Some of them were really good men… loving… warm… and caring to a great extent… but the problem was about me … me… the runaway bride.

I can think of only one scene now… walking on a long road, dark, foggy, and silent… lights from afar … warm and bright… I long for warmth… for a tap on my shoulders… a man standing at the entrance of a lovely home with a beautiful garden and with open arms… I stay for a while… watch the home from outside… enjoy his company… but when it is time to get inside the house… to have a life… to share my days and bind myself eternally to him … I panic… and run… run with all my strength… run as if a monster following me … run thinking that I left my demons behind… but I find out that they were running right beside me

When I know that any of them got married and had a life, I smile… I could have been this wife… this mother… I could have been in this home… but instead I am walking in an endless path... dark.. foggy… and silent

I am the runaway bride
I am the lost soul on earth
I am the one who is blinded with fear

And not them

My strange idea for today

If I ever hurt you… please forgive me... please forgive my fear

Why I turned into a runaway bride??!! That is what you will know in my next post… hope soon

Today's Thought

2008-06-19T13:11:00.002+03:00

I feel like writing and writing ... about many things and different things that covers all my life aspects... I wanna rewrite my CV, a good cover lettre, my book chapters, deeper thoughts ... I even think of sending topics to specialized magazines

My finger tips aches for the lettres, for the keyboard ... and my mind is ready to spill all its thughts :)

I also feel like learning something new... and guess what i choosed ?!

TAROT READING AND SYMBOLOGY

some people would say this is nonsence, and some others will be reluctant and say maybe why not... but i read once that tarots were used to carry hidden messages during the times of christian church opression... and i believe that tarot cards carry stories and glimpses of ancient spirits that lived once and knew a lot about this universe and how it works, and the secrets of life !!!

so i decided today to start my quest in knowing the secrets of life

I also decided to start a serie of different writing ... reincarnation

I have spoke to a some freinds about that... and the discussion led me to the possibility of this theory, and that it was not totally denied by religions ... i believe that those inside me are the spirits that stayed from ancient time ... so i will write about reincarnation of me in different lives ... how i was... what i learned... as an attempt to understand me !!! and how i became the one i am !!!

stay around ... for a mysterious time =)

My strange idea for today

I want to Know... I want to Believe

The Call... For You

2008-06-16T09:42:00.002+03:00

It started out as a feeling

Which then grew into a hope

Which then turned into a quiet thought

Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder'

Til it was a battle cry

I'll come backWhen you call me

No need to say goodbye

***

Just because everything's changing

Doesn't mean it's never been this way before

All you can do is try to know who your friends are

As you head off to the warPick a star on the dark horizon

And follow the light

You'll come back when it's over

No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over

No need to say goodbye

***

Now we're back to the beginning

It's just a feeling and no one knows yet

But just because they can't feel it too

Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger'

Til they're before your eyes

You'll come backWhen they call you

No need to say goodbyeYou'll come back

When they call you

No need to say goodbye

***

My Strange Idea for Today

I have nothing to say... You know it all

Remember me... our world... and how we use to be

The Boy Who Chose to Grow

2008-06-10T12:52:00.002+03:00

Peter pan… the boy who lived in Neverland… the magical land
Where everything is beautiful, and… possible
Where all the feelings are fresh and young and … pure
Where the sun's golden rays embrace the flowers and the surface of the blue sea… and the sparrows sing with joy and content over the branches of the trees

But nothing remains the same… change is the soul of life… even if it was for the worst

Peter Pan, the ever young boy… the dreamy… the tender… lived in peace… until his shadow slipped in the real world… was struck by its charm… its fake colorful face… and went back to Neverland to tell peter pan about it all :

*it is a different world… where everything is real
-but it is also real in here… it is our land
*no it is not… even its name … NEVER land… the land that never and will never truly exist
-but we are happy and free
*we will be happy and free too… we will do everything we want… and others will highly perceive us… we will be men… not just boys.
-but… we are magical boys
*still boys … you have to grow up… be a man…I am going there … if you want to join… you know where to find me

The shadow left… and Peter pan was torn apart … between his desire to remain ever young… to live in his own world… to enjoy peace and magic… and between his shadow's desire to grow… and become a man

The shadow was pulled inside the whirlpool of life… taken deep and deeper… responsibilities and duties… peter pan couldn’t suffer any longer… he wants to be whole again… so … he surrendered and … chose to grow

He chose to leave Neverland… and live in the real world
He chose to be a man … and loose connection with the child inside

Still a part of him cries for Neverland... but … he managed to silence it

And that was the story of the boy who chose to grow

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I know it is not easy to live in two worlds… I know what it means to live something and feel something else… and I have to admit that I complained about it many times.

I tried once to grow … to be a woman and follow my shadow… to detach myself from the magical Neverland of my own creation… but I couldn’t manage to stay in the real world for long

Why being a man/ woman means to loose connection with our Neverland?
Why chose to wholly grow?
Why detach ourselves from the only place where we can breathe… and fly free?
Why life has to be tough and dry… while we have our own space of beautiful magic… why loose the dream… anything in life started with a dream

My fellow dreamers… don’t grow up… don’t loose the connection with the child inside… with the world we truly belong to… with magic, and beauty

:( Peter Pan… I wish you come back

My strange Idea for Today

I will not Grow Up

Run to You :(

2008-06-09T14:49:00.001+03:00

I know that when you look at me

Theres so much that you just dont see

But if you would only take the time

I know in my heart youd find

A girl whos scared sometimes

Who isnt always strong

Cant you see the hurt in me? I feel so all alone

I wanna run to you (oooh)

Wont you hold me in your arms

And keep me safe from harm

I wanna run to you (oooh)

But if I come to you (oooh)

Tell me, will you stay or will you run away

****

Each day, each day I play the role

Of someone always in control

But at night I come home and turn the key

Theres nobody there, no one cares for me

Whats the sense of trying hard to find your dreams

Without someone to share it with

Tell me what does it mean?

****

I need you here

I need you here to wipe away my tears

To kiss away my fears

If you only knew how much...

My strnage Idea for Today

Between Ideology and Dream

2008-05-23T14:17:00.004+03:00

It was Friday morning
The most peaceful morning in the week
Sun... Silence... Whispers of trees... and Songs of flying birds
Sweet soft breezes... show themselves in shyness

and me
and myself

Thinking of a passing phrase in a tv show :

"Ideologies Separate US .... Dreams Bring Us together"

You know me... you know how these things echos in my mind ... you know how happy i am to listen to the truth said by a mortal tongue .. the victory of dreams over reality... and spirituality over materiality

Few words said it all

Thoughts of minds and physical ideas separate humans... create conflicts... plant hatred... you know how religious obsession can do ... gender discrimination... educational levels... sexual ideas... all what has to do with following human ideas ... yes human ... for god is love... and love is the core of life... and life is about peace... peace inside with the oneself and outside with the others

Dreams... things you cant touch... you cannot see in the day light... you cannot smell ... non materialistic ideas ... flowing thoughts of souls... hope... wishes... prayers .... they are what bring humans together

This is how god created us

but...
Humans are doing all what they can to despise their spirituality, and dress it with stupid reality
the bond with dreams... with other worlds and other lives ... the bond of the inner you.... of unknown universes... of the nature around

They call it dreams
They call it spiritual
I call it life

My ideology is that the whole universe is one big place
and we are free souls to travel around ... only if we give ourselves a chance to do so
It is not about materialistic feelings
It is about what your spiritual believes

So fly free
and let your ideas run around nature...

my strange idea for today

I love dreams ... I wish i was a Dream... in a Dream... and From a Dream

10 Things About ME... or About Myself !!!

2008-05-20T08:58:00.005+03:00

I have been tagged by Sherif :)

First time ever :) and it is not easy at all ... write 10 things about me ?!

I stopped a lot in front of this tag... you know me, I have to analyse and think and search and look for reason and and and ... but it is truly puzzling ... if it was questions and answers, it would be a lot easier ... but ... it is one statement asking me to dive deep into my known - yet unknown - self .... and tell.

It is not only diving... it is not only a journey to things I rather hide and never face... it is also the act of telling... of revealing... which I never learn before I started blogging ... and even when I am blogging ... I draw stories and situations to explain a tiny feeling ... it is hard ... hard

But I will give it a try anyway ... it has been so long since my fingers spoke to my keyboard and I can consider that as my first attempt for bringing back relations to its normal track

10 Things About ME:

One: Hide in Dreams

I am a dreamer and you know that... I live between the pages of written words and you have noticed... since my early days... books of stories were my Friends... lines were my shelter... spend hours reading... dreaming... building worlds of my own creation... dream... I hide in dreams ... I do face bitter reality... but for a short while... then i go back home to my ... dreams.

Two: Senseless ... Heartless

Tell me beautiful words of love... of passion... of dreamy romance... and i will feel not!!

I loved once, and was slaughtered in the temple of agony and loneliness... a hole in my soul devoured my being slowly but steadily

To stop it... to survive... to live again .... I had to make a defence mechanism... turn my heart into an icy rock ... and my feelings to bars of iron ... locking me inside ... I built a shell around myself... layer after layer... and the more i add... the stronger I became... but the price was too expensive ... I lost my heart, my feelings... and my humanity... became a walking zombie ... but I wonder... like Pinocchio who wanted to be a real boy !! can i ever be a real woman again ?

Three: Cold ... Rude sometimes

If the person is not in my circle of interest... so I consider him/ her invisible

as much as I am so caring with people i like ... i am totally the opposite with others... to the extent of coldness sometimes... i believe that we shouldn't spell our feelings on everyone ... they are too precious and have to be given to those who deserve

Four: Mercy from god... humans can also be merciful

I think that one of the meanings associated with humans is mercy ... mercy for the weak ... for those who are less than us ... for the old... for the young... for the ignorant... for all god's souls even if it is a flower... or a tree .... mercy is a divine act that god try so hard to teach it to humans ... but do they really know that to be merciful means to be human ??

Five: Arrogant ... ME????

They say that I am a little bit arrogant ... and I have to admit that I sometimes give this impression.... but unintentionally ... unless the person him/her self is arrogant :)

I love to have my own space ... I love to have my own circle ... and because I am alienated so I usually don't talk to others about things I am interested in .. it is not my fault ... it is the others

One more thing gives this impression .... the way I walk... the way I look ... my nose are always facing the sky... my back is always straight... i walk on one line... like a queen ... like a goddess :) but natural ... no fake

Six: Stubborn... like rocky mountains

That is one thing I hate about myself ... cause it sometimes ... well usually cause me problems ... but I have a very good reason behind this ... my stubbornness is fed by my principals .. which are impossible to be changed unless you have a very very very very strong logic that may convince my mind

Seven: Blind Believer

God... the mighty... the merciful... I blindly believe in you

you give and take with unknown wisdom ... but I know deep in my heart that all what you do is for the good.

Eight: Multi-cultured ... Multi Faces

I was born in el sayeda zeinab... lived in haram... went to french school... mingled with people from different social classes ... I can be any ... and I can belong to any social class ... simple or sophisticated... I can be anyone... I can put on the dress of any woman... full of contradiction that I hardly can explain ... but i am learning how to deal with them

Nine: Hardly use artificial colors

I don't wear makeups ... and if I do ... I only put few lines ... I do that in purpose for I don't wanna attract attention to me ... I have simple peaceful innocent face lines ... not baby face ... a woman's face ... like the nymphs and goddesses drawn in Renaissance time ... and from innocence rise sexiness

I don't wear makeup for I have natural colors ... my skin reflects lights and glow like moon light ... my eyes are golden with rays of green... my cheeks are red naturally... my lips are rosy sometimes purple ... so tell me, why would I wear makeup?!!

Ten: See the Unseen ... Break the unbreakable

I am psychic, and possess a high level of transparency... I can see signs from god in everything around me ... and when I look into thee eyes.. I can tell what's inside

some of my dreams are symbolic .... and when I interpret them ... they happens ..

I know things ... people look at me with wide eyes and ask me how you know ... my answer is ... don't ask me... I just know ... my mind... my soul ... I know

I met men like mountains... they can manipulate whoever ... and impose their will on whoever... they tried the same with me ... but never succeeded ... the mountain is broken ... and washed away to unknown seas

Eleven: My Mind ... My Life :)

I appreciate my mind ... and I appreciate my principals ... and insulting them can never be forgiven ... so when dealing with me you have to be extra clear like water... I am smart enough to recognize lies, and hidden agendas :) so no need to play mr /mrs smart... cause I play dump but I understand everything going around

Twelve: Nature is my religion

I love nature ... every single tiny aspect of nature ... I love trees and flowers and clouds.. I love moonlight and twinkling stars ... and green glass... and fresh air... sea and waves and little colorful shells ... I love nature... yes I do

wow i wrote 12 thing not just 10... didn't expect that

My strange Idea for Today

You Still can Never Know Anything about ME!!

Send this tag to the following dear friends (if they didn't do it yet )

Shimaa Gamal

Askandarani

Eyad

Xero

Agenda Hamra

I am ... Achilles

2008-05-07T13:41:00.005+03:00

Of course many of you have seen the great movie TROY... and the major character played by my beloved Brad Pitt... Achilles

you will not believe me if i said that i just saw a part of it, few days ago... a beautiful movie, excellent choice of actors, and great performance... it attracted me with its beautiful music and the feeling it generates in my mind and soul... yeh yeh :) i am a classic myth fan, and i didnt see it :) why!! i dunno

Anyways what attracted me the most is a conversation between King Agamemnon and an advisor, speaking of Achilles

The king: but he cannot be controlled

The Advisor: you don't need to control him.... you need to unleash him

:) smiles upon the warm lips of those who know me well ... i feel that these words were written for me.... to deliver me a hidden message from god

these words rang in my head and made me realize that:

I don't need to cry for the blesses and graces god granted me

I don't need to hate the facts that i am another

I don't need to follow the mortal rules while i can go in my godly path

i don't need to control my feminine powers, my talents, my charm, my imagination, my life

all what i need to do is to unleash the real me... the one hidden and think she is a black duck, while she is a beautiful swan

I am Achilles

The rebellious

The gifted

The able

My Strange Idea for Today

Isn't this article strange enough for you :)

The Myth and Me

2008-04-30T11:55:00.005+03:00

Reading nowadays classical myth from all world nations - as if my own mythical world is not enough - feeding my imagination and senses with beautiful stories, and marvelous explanations of every single aspect in life.

I am not only amazed by the beauty of the myth ... but by the wondrous human mind... that spins this coherent texture of myths, legends, and amazing complicated relations

But actually this is not the reason behind writing this post... it is that while reading each story i find myself in the place of one of the hero or heroine... or even something hidden inside me, but triggered by the story lines

Today I will talk about the GIFTED and the CURSED

Today I find myself in PANDORA "The gifted by all gods" "The cursed by all humans"

Pandora who was made to punish human race for using the gift of FIRE - given to them by Prometheus the TITAN... opposing the will of the gods to keep fire a godly matter, up in the Olympus

Forged by Vulcan, the god of fire... gifted by Aphrodite, Hermes, and Zeus himself... so she became a master peace of all what a woman can be, and all what a man can ever dream of

Beautiful... with a face and body made of moonlight, capture the eyes, and lock he desires to be hers only

Eloquent... with a tongue that spell whoever listen or read her words... her magical words

Curious... seek to know, and reveal the misty clouds that covers the unknown even if it mean her doom - she opened the box where all evil reside... le it go and curse the world of humans, and nothing remain but hope

do i see a similarity here??? GOD... has gifted me as they say... with innocent beauty, expressive tongue, smart analytical mind, and unsatisfied curiosity ... but these gifts became a curse and caused me lots of problems, from which i slip with miracles

as Pandora... nothing left for ME but HOPE... hope things will be better, hope people will open up a little... hope for me to open my eyes on my gifts and exploit them for the good ... hope to believe that i am no freak... and i am just as normal as others

My Strange IDEA for today

I am Legend ... :(

why not?

2008-04-19T18:50:00.002+02:00

why not living in dreams... in a world of my own creation

where all my wishes for a true love... and a home... come true

where all the wishes of security... comfort... and containment come true

where all the demons, shadows, ghosts vanish

so why not living in dreams ? if there is no other better choice??

i live only in dreams...

and in reality... i am a dead soul

My Strange Idea for Today:

Writing is a Bless

Life is ...

2008-03-30T15:30:00.006+02:00

Life is like an Intercourse :)

Sometimes it is soft and joyful !!

Sometimes it is rough and awarding !!!

but most of the time ...... it is a TOTAL RAPE :(

My Strange Idea for today

Enough ... Pls

Shower Thoughts

2008-03-24T11:53:00.003+02:00

Last night I went to shower with a strange mood… blank mind, yet full of flashing ideas… don’t ask me how… it is exactly how I felt… I cannot express it any better or any less

Unlike my usual shower attitude, I laid down in the bathtub… let hot delicious water pour over me… enjoy the sweet feeling of relaxation it generates – to both my Body and Soul.

Only then, my flashes start to get clearer… and my shower thoughts pour all over me just like the hot water.

The water is almost under my chin… I lay further… let the water cover my hair and ears… only my nose and eyes are above the surface… starring at the ceiling… and the drops of water hanged there, wishing for a proper burial in my hand made sea.

Listen to my heavy breathing
Listen to the sound of life coming out of me

I wonder! Here and now, in this typical place for committing suicide
What can ever stop me from cutting my veins? I have access to razors, seems very tempting… huh
Or even lay down and breath water… allow the element of life and death to pour inside me … wash me … fill me
Maybe a little electric device … et voila… I am dead

Why death seems a very tempting idea now!
Why can't I end my life as simple as that
Ending life is so easy
Starting life is almost impossible

The idea is devouring me… leaving no space at all… my breathing gets heavier.. I fought to stand and looked around with amazement… strange thoughts are coming to me nowadays

I started to wash my weary body; it feels good when I am clean, smells like sweet heavenly strawberries… I stared to the mirror in front of me… wondering .. It is so easy to clean the dirt outside … but what can ever clean the dirt inside!!!

*******************************************

My strange Idea for Today

My Bathroom is Hunted … with my others' Thoughts!!!!!!!!!

It's Mother's Day

2008-03-21T08:12:00.003+02:00

The 21^st of March… The first day of the beautiful reviving spring… my sister’s birthday… and of course… Mother’s day.

It is a day full of life… a symbol of birth, and fertility

A day when Mother earth give birth to a new face, for the aged world, worn out by winter

A day when flower blossoms start to crawl over tree branches, coloring our busy days…

A day when I smile and secretly wish for a happier time … smelling the scent of life emerging from everything around.

Maybe that is why this day is chosen to celebrate the mother’s day!

Mother’s day… I rather call it … The Day of the Feminine power

Power to give life

To change hard conditions into favorable ones

To contain the whole world with all its complications in between our tiny hands

To guide the human souls with ideas, and secretly hidden intelligence

To fight for the best of our beloved

To sacrifice ceaselessly with all what we own... even ourselves

Mother’s day, is every woman’s day… for being a mother is a built in feature, god planted its seed… and let it grow into a great sacred tree

A tree that feed, shade, spill wisdom, and give pleasure

I dedicate today’s greetings to:

Every mother on earth or up in heaven – May god bless their tender souls

Every Girl/Woman:

who takes care of her parents

who take cares of her brothers and sisters

who shares to put a smile on the face of poor and orphans

who contains and love her man (bf, husband ..)

who feeds an animal and show mercy to all god’s creatures

who cherish friendship and is always around to spread cheers, and contain tears and fears

Every Girl/Woman who knows the true meaning of being a woman… of being the bearer of the feminine power… and realizes the gift that changed the face of the world.

All men who curse women… who are too arrogant, and afraid to admit our sacred power … remember that Adam asked God for Eve - *wink

So happy Mother’s day my fellow females … May god bless our feminine powers inside.

My strange Idea for today

We are all mothers

What Do I Know About Sadness!!?

2008-03-02T11:40:00.005+02:00

Sadness is a grave ... I dug with my own hands

Lay there helpless ... lay there senseless

Sadness is the feeling when silence fill my eyes... ears... mouth...

while i stand watching my own self fading and unable to do anything about it

Sadness is the blood that flows out of my veins

Paint the world with my colors

and leave me gray

Sadness is the unknown path in mysterious lands

Dark trees ... filled with tortured souls

Precarious ground that swallows my steps

No sound

No one around

Just a thin cloud of foggy feelings

Sadness is the unanswered questions

Flying in the crystalline space

Wishing to be reunited with their answers

Sadness is about loss

Sadness is gray

Sadness is facing the truth

Sadness is a pray

Sadness is consuming me

claiming me as a prey

What do i know about sadness

What do YOU know about sadness?!

My strange idea for today:
Sadness is a Disease ... With no CURE

Let it Rain...

2008-01-29T11:23:00.000+02:00

What's rain!!

Is it the tiny water drops that fall from above… fall to clean and wash the weary face of the world

Is It the pure water of the sky that hold the hand of the being and help it to get into a mysterious status of serenity, calmness, maybe little shades of sadness… sweet sadness

What is rain … truly what is rain

What is rain for you

Is it like it for me

Since I was a kid, and I always loved rain,,, loved to stretch my hand out of the window and feel the cold chilly drops on my warm tiny hands

I tried to taste it

I always thought it is holly water … why not … it comes from above… that makes it holly right?

I see an agreeing smile upon your lips… whispering yeh right J

Tell you something

I love so much the drip drip voice… and the weshhh weshhh voice… I love the fresh smell it gives to the world… and I love the song it sings with trees and blossoms … I love to walk in the rain and feel the holly water washing my face… washing away my pain.. washing away the stiffness that diseased my life

These were thoughts of years ago… but now I have a more mature perception of rain.. more mature definition… more realistic

Rain is

The tear drops of angels and fairies who live in the high clouds... they gather themselves from now and then in a hall made of crystal water over the high cloudy hills… decorated with scented flowers … the sacred frangipani…sit all together in a wide circle and cry

Cry for us

For our misery

For our loneliness

And our alienation

Cry and call our names to purify ourselves

To let go our sadness with their sadness

It cannot be more real than that … can it be!!

Let it rain … let it rain

Wash my pain

Don’t drop in vain

Let it rain let it rain

My strange idea for today:

I believe in fairies

Guiltless Devil!!

2008-01-07T21:50:00.000+02:00

Shit happens!

Excuse my language, but I couldn’t find a better word to describe how things can deviate from its course.

Why we screw up!!

The Devil’s whispers?

Why we always blame the Devil!

Why not the inner hidden self?

God has warned us from our inner selves and the damages it can do to our lives… the bad it commands… the bad it wishes for us

it is not always the devil

It is us

We are the devils of this earth

My strange idea for today

Inside each one of us … is a devil’s soul

Why They Call it Suicide?!

2007-12-05T12:33:00.000+02:00

النسخة العربية

Suicide… the act of killing one self… the brave decision to end one’s life… the final destination… the fading light of hope and rise of desperation sun.

Why it is wrong?

And why they call it a crime?

(1) Passing over the bridge… watching the flowing grayish water… its internal waves indicate the silent anger from this world, and the thirst for human souls… whispers coming from deep inside the river… faintly calling my name… I exerted all the efforts to fight the urge of giving myself totally to this delicate element of life… to be swallowed by the huge mass of water… and never come up again… to see a new world, and listen to new songs… songs of life after Death

Will they call it suicide?

Why they don’t call it… hiding!!

(2) Looking at the shiny blade… its silvery surface shows only half of my face… why only half of my face? Why always that half… my eyes are engraved on the hungry blade… which crave for the taste of my blood… I try to look away … but my eyes are glued to its rising soul… it wants me… what if I cut my flesh… the white moony flesh… and watch the line of blood flow freely away from my poisoned body… drawing life wherever it goes… and spread my existence in the endless being

Will they call it suicide?

Why they don’t call it… painting my freedom!!

(3) It is more than just a building... it is the top of the world where I stand… … watching the real life beneath my feet…mortals walk endlessly in one path… they never look at the beautiful blue sky… they never thought of the wind kissing their perishing bodies… the clouds are drawing the lines of angels… they whisper my name… they are inviting me to join them… fight the urge to throw myself… feel the wind… listen to heaven songs… and breath.

Will they call it suicide?

Why they don’t call it… flying away!!

(4) White tiny pills… lay peacefully on the table… what’s their taste? sweet or sour… does it matter… life is sour… my name is written on each of them… they are mine… they belong to me… flow inside my body… merge with my blood… take me to the world of dreams… endless dream… endless joy.

Why they call it suicide

Why they don’t call it… Sleeeep!! Shhhhhh

(5) Why they call it suicide?

Why they call it death… End of Life?

Why they don’t call it another chapter in one’s journey!

Freedom from life burdens!

Merging with life elements!

My strange idea for today:

Death is not the end … it is just the beginning

The Original Sin

2007-11-29T00:08:00.000+02:00

Many has interpreted the Meaning of the Original Sin… as it was mainly related to eve’s response to the devil’s seduction, and reach for the forbidden fruit… thus opposing god’s will

But I have a different opinion… when I read the story of Adam and Eve, I found out that going for the forbidden fruit is not the sin itself… but it is the outcome of the sin

The real sin is that eve TRUSTED the cursed angel, which turned to be the curse of all human race

Look around before objecting… you will find that all major events in your life, others’ lives, and even in history has been affected in a way or another by TRUST… and mainly end negatively

My Strange Idea for today

TRUST is the original SIN… and we are all SINNERS

What do i Know About Success

2007-11-07T00:07:00.000+02:00

I always thought that I know enough about success; that I have tasted its sweetness, and felt the pride it generates flowing through my veins, that gives an unusual feeling of ecstasy and amazement for the ability to overcome any obstacle no matter what it is... I thought I know about this magical word that we chase in the desert of life… and vanquish our thirst for accomplishment…

I thought… yes I thought… Until last Sunday!!!

Dear Readers and fellow bloggers

That glorious Sunday was my graduation day, in which I have been granted my MASTERS DEGREE WITH MERIT, finally after three long years of hard working nights, and long waiting days.

You will never imagine my happiness and pride in that day… and I realized that the feeling of success I use to have is not the real thing, it was a shadow, a tasteless clone, a fake copy … but the true thing was felt that Sunday at my graduation ceremony followed by the wonderfully organized reception …

That day, showed me different aspects of success… aspects that shine like a twinkling star in a dark sky… a star that is so far away, which cannot be reached but with a dream ship, equipped with will, and stubbornness to carry on... I realized that success is just like walking through the gates of heaven, you had to suffer for a long time, till you are worthy to enter, and enjoy its blesses, and festive as heroes

They say “no pain … no gain” those few words don’t just explains how to achieve success, but carry wisdom for those who can read between lines… pain, the feeling we try to run from and avoid during the course of our lives, the feeling that strike us with no pre-notice, is the same that we practice, in order to gain

I dunno why I remember now the last scene in the movie morgan ahmed morgan… when he was chosen to say the graduates’ speech… he said that now by education he owns the world

That day, I felt I owned the world... I stepped into heaven... I reached a star and put it in a necklace around my neck

Success for me is not just about the master’s degree, it carries for me a deeper meaning, it is about:

My will and strength to carry on

Believe in myself and my ability to do anything

Believe in NIKE motto “Just Do It

Accomplish great things

To Inspire and being inspired

Give a helping hand to myself and others

Deny the myth that we have limitations in doing things

Make others proud

Reaching a milestone that will change my life

Generate feelings of strength and happiness

It is all about success… real feeling of success… the success that we know we have earned it, and not just another word in our record

Congratulate me o! Dear ones. For today… I own the world… today… I am successful

*** *** *** *** *** ***

Celebrity for a day

That great day, I was a celebrity, everybody is looking and smiling to the graduates, wave hi to them, take pictures for them, and wanna take pictures with them … standing to take the group photos while ten photographers are taking pictures for us… it was a marvelous feeling

The best part was when the families met their sons and daughters after the ceremony with tears, and smiles, and beautiful flowers… while the eyes are twinkling with one word : “you make us proud”

Yes I made them proud

And I changed my life with my own hands

*** *** *** *** *** ***

And that is what I know about success :)

The Road to Femininity

2007-11-01T00:57:00.000+02:00

The sparkles of magic within… the hidden massive power that rules the world… the endless source of pure light and delicious warmth… the brush that paints the faces of life with vivid astonishing colors… femininity, god’s grace to women

I am proud to be a woman… and I thank mighty God every day for the blessing of belonging to this beautiful race that bears life, and endless secrets within

Through my course of life, I saw many women who appreciate being women, and embrace their feminine power and tamed it for their good… while others curse it, deny it, and turn into deformed creatures that are neither feminine nor masculine, as they lose themselves and their identity; satisfied with existing for certain purposes – keeping human race - do nothing with pleasure, feel nothing with their hearts, know nothing of their inner self.

Culture, is it?

The way they have been raised, is it?

Or the savage life conditions they are going through?

Blame men is the solution!!

It is true that women are living under hostile conditions, their rights are denied, they are treated as properties to own, they have been raised with a natural feeling of guilt, and all what make them a woman is buried under thick layers of tribal code… but…we shouldn’t just put our heads in the sand and forget that a major part of the problem comes from within.

I see women walking in the street, with dark faces, and eyes that lost the beautiful sparkle of the moon, tend to turn themselves into ugly creatures, which make me ask …

Are they real women… what do they know about being a woman… what do they know about the difference between masculinity and femininity?? is it just a genital, and hormonal difference? How they perceive the term “Femininity”!!

Why being a wife, mother, practical woman, spinster, divorced, widow, feminist, intellectual has a negative impact on women femininity?

Alas, and I hate to admit it, the majority of today’s women know nothing about femininity, about the power they carry inside their souls and hearts… they believe that mimicking men in some of their attitude will bring them respect… they think that by reaching certain physical, mental, intellectual status means to give up being a woman… and pathetically turn to be anti-femininity creatures!! They have succeeded To lose the power within, to deny their nature and secret magic… and finally fill the streets, houses, offices with shadows of who were once women dwell

Let’s face it

- A girl is so beautiful and smooth till she got married, then turn to be a maid in her own house, know nothing but kitchen and kids,

- Some marry for just being able to be mothers, and I swear to god I heard it from many friends, after they give birth and I ask about their husbands, the answer is … he did his role

- Carrier turn women to be savage in behavior, as a mean to protect themselves and enforce respect in a environment where men generally rule… elegant, beautiful, but play with great success the role of femme fatal

- Some who has no luck in marriage don’t bother about the way they look, they act with vulgarity, and turn to crows … with all the meanings of the word

- Even one of the noblest roles for women – feminist - has turned them to be anti-men, they might be elegant and beautiful, but lost the touch of tenderness in their voices and way of acting with others

- Intellectual girls are known to wear glasses, and lose interest with god’s grace… their bodies

Women… themselves… and no other… have deformed the meaning of femininity… surrender to the dark waves of life that pull them away from their magical territory… all the above are examples of wrong practices from women themselves… they deliberately lose their powers, they intentionally bury their magic, they kill the beauty within… they kill themselves slowly, not knowing that femininity is the easiest path to reach a good life

But… what is femininity? What are the signs of femininity? how to find road to such great power?

That is what I will tell in coming posts… stay around

The Model of Innocence

2007-10-08T01:24:00.000+02:00

Pure look

Milky face

Young face

Glowing skin like twinkling stars

Beautiful smile

Innocent deep eyes

Cherry lips

Draw a perfect model for innocence

Theoretically the way a person look may truly reflect who he/she really is… but beware... dont take it as a solemn fact... we need to look deeper and closer to know the hidden truth within… or we would be faced by another face screaming “I am not that innocent”

The Life Story

2007-10-03T15:52:00.000+02:00

Our lives is woven with words that make one long story

The story is made of many many flowing chapters

Every chapter has a beginning and an ending

Through those chapters, our days flow… our fate is sealed… our future is drawn

Some chapters may glow with love and beauty… spread all the good feelings to bless the other chapters, and even affect the next chapters to be better, to be written with butterfly wing, and flower juice… carries the song of heaven, and the sweet taste of happiness.

Alas such chapters are short… never last… and the impact never sustain time

Some other chapters are seen as mistakes, where you can smell smoke and fire… taste blood… listen to cries and sounds of battles… such chapters pour darkness around and ruin any attempt for survival

Alas such chapters are long long longer than time… always last till the last breath… you can find its traces on all the coming pages… yes it may fade away, but it will always be there

Some chapters are just a separator between two chapters, draw an end, and open arms for a beginning

I have lived a story, a dark painful story, that spill its darkness over the pages of my book… ruin any attempt for good… my story back to me... and thing end up by emphasizing on one fact: My Happiness Never Last… and pain will always come from any corner to ruin it

That is my strange idea for the day

Which chapter you have lived and impacted your life until the day of reading those lines.

“Anyone would run away from your story”

words that pierced my heart, and after them I will never be the same.

Changing Seasons

2007-09-24T00:22:00.000+02:00

Hearing the mysterious knocks of fall… smelling its faint scent that didn’t take full control over air yet, but just send messenger of cool breezes that play with our senses, and dance a secret dance with the trees; fill my eyes with the sight of white cottony clouds, which hide the heat of the sun to gently shade our mortal bodies.

All this make my heart ache… for no specific reason but the eager to meet fall again… and enjoy its beauty that exceeded any other season… though I have good feeling toward other seasons, but fall is always my favorite

That raises a question; What do I love about each season?!

mmm let me see

If I start with winter:

I was born in winter; in the incomplete month… the coldest among all winter months … and the weirdest among all months… of course you have guessed!!! FEBRUARY,
I love gray skies, from which I can see the true face of the world, hear angels’ cries, and bless my being with their tears “Rain”.
It is better to be sitting under blankets with a cup of hot chocolates; than sitting half naked in the AC!!! Sinus problem :(
The chill that turn our face and fingers numb! And make us appreciate our senses.
RAIN… RAIN… RAIN
Abandoned streets
Winter clothes are more elegant
Magic about Master winter: he is cold yet send warm feelings to our hearts… for the cold weather let people tend to be closer to each other, looking for physical and emotional warmth, and appreciate the good company
Favorite place in winter: ALEXANDRIA

Spring:

In which the songs of virgins in the hidden temples fill the being
Smells of fruits and heavenly flowers… clear blue skies… and trees start to wear all kinds of blossoms and colorful leaves
Enjoy the youth of the sun… with its shy light and heat
LOVE… LOVE… LOVE is in the air
All creature but humans are happier in spring, and as I value nature so I am happy for them too… even the sparrows songs are better
In spring, a high degree of harmony and union with nature elements can be reached… feel yourself in the sea… or sitting on green grass… touching tree trunks… smell the scent of flowers and roses and fruit’s trees… and listen deeply to the leaves and cool breezes
Still wintery clothes, with summer shades… they call that demi season
Favorite place in spring: Gardens

Summer:

The SEA… jump in water and feel it penetrating your cells… wash you from inside…let go all darkness, and fill your emptiness with its holly secrets
I like the festivals of Poseidon, and river nymphs :) but that another story that I will write about in the diaries :D
Favorite place in summer: The Sea, & my Room

Fall:

Sweet November
All good things happen to me in fall
In fall all feelings are balanced … away from winter depression, spring romance, and summer enthusiasm
Can reach a higher degree of spirituality and self exploration during the holly days of fall
The nature is letting go their own past … and start a journey to begin a new chapter in their life
Sweet sadness in the air … true feelings in the hearts… freedom of the soul
The elements of life express themselves greatly
I enjoy the festival of the Earth goddess, and wood nymphs :)
Favorite place in fall: My world, me, and myself

Seasons are like me, or I am like seasons, doesn’t really matter… we are both unstable with NO single mood… That may seem a negative thing, but in my opinion it is a bless

So… time to change the season… time to change the mood… time to change the face of my earth, my world, my life.

I love you... But do i trust you?!

2007-09-10T04:11:00.000+02:00

It is know that love is associated with other feelings… joy, happiness, sometimes anger and hate… but I won’t talk about any of these… I am here to focus on only one corner-stone feeling in any relationship… which is trust!

The more the couple are in love, the more they trust each other... everyone agree with that?

Ok! here is my strange idea... by observing, thinking, and experiencing I found out that…

The more we love… the less we trust

The less we love... The more we trust

Yeh yeh! I know the flow of thoughts that push on your brain, but allow me to explain my strange idea… and the logic that I have based it upon.

It happens; mainly due to unbalanced degree of love between couples… moreover, the degree of romance each of the couple has.

In order to clarify my theory, let’s imagine that we have two persons, (A) and (B), who are in love; and let’s assume that (A) loves (B) more

Believing in the great love, and the high expectation that (A) has… a bitter feeling starts to dominate in (A)’s heart, thinking that the given love is not met by the proper degree, gratitude, and feelings… (A) then starts to misinterpret any word or action made by (B), which raise arguments, thus loss of faith and trust in the partner, and the relationship as a whole

Vice versa

As (B) loves (A) moderately, normally maybe practically… we will find that (B) has no problem at all in trusting (A)... Knowing the degree of (A)’s love… which became much more than just love… it becomes kinda worshiping, and adoration… things are taken for granted, knowing that (A) would do anything for (B)

Now! Are you (A) or (B)?

Sometimes (A)… loves more and suffers

Sometimes (B)… loves less and suffers

Sometimes (C)… What I didn’t mention this one??!!

Oh! Sorry … (C) is the one who experience zero degree of both values

NO LOVE … NO TRUST…

Absolute neutral feelings, enjoyed by singles

I know what some may say, if the degree of love is not the same, so it is not a true love… common!!! That is not real life talk… we all know in a way or another the degree of love will never be the same, and the best we can hope for is to have the minimum possible difference!

And yes there are many types of love, platonic love, balanced romantic love, normal love, practical love …. You name it … it depends on the personality of the person!!!

So again which one you have experienced before? And is experiencing now!!

What are we Designed for

2007-08-30T01:52:00.000+03:00

Human beings are strong creatures… maybe the strongest ever in this planet… they have overcome WARS, NATURAL DISASTERS, DEATH, SICKNESS, even LIFE itself… and in each event, they have proved well that they can carry on no matter what

Human beings are designed to carry loads of responsibilities… of others and toward others

Human beings are designed to survive … to stand before the tornado of life, which squeeze their faith… and test their humanity

But they were never designed to be lonely… to walk the line without interaction and support of other humans

That's why it is so hard to survive death of a beloved one, and for me… it is almost impossible to survive my breakup

It is about a year now

And I am still stunned, can’t really understand what happened…

Can’t bare the feeling of loneliness that burn my senses after he left

I feel empty

Walk with an invisible hole in my soul

Yes I am designed to do wonders

Threw spells of magic

Take enormous responsibilities on my shoulder, as Atlas did with the globe before

Inspire others

Support in whatever till the end of times

Care, share, and listen

But… and I am ashamed to admit it!

Am not designed to be alone

Am not designed to be without him

“Human beings are designed for many things… but loneliness is not one of them”

Desperate Housewives Quote

About Dreams

2007-08-21T13:36:00.000+03:00

I dream!

Don't smile, and say me too!!

I know you do... we all do... but!!

I am concerned about the types of dreams I am experiencing

Dreams… Dreams

Shadows and fogs

Demons and dead angels

Men… men… women in torture

Me… run… run… no where to run

My dreams, I hate to dream… I hate to fall asleep… for the sake of my dreams' types:

Dreams where I am hunted:

the majority of my dreams are going around this point… I am hunted… running away from someone, from something… run always barefoot in darkness… followed by scary sounds… don't ask me why I run... I just run… run with no way out… run and always been found… escape and run and found and run and found and run and so on… till god wakes me up with his mercy

Dream where I am searching for something:

I am always late... I am always searching for a place... I am always in a hurry… I am always missing my appointment... I am always a looser… I am always searching…. always

Dream where I am in love:

We were never able to be together... always hugging and kissing bitter kisses… always steeling precious moments… always making love with tears… always been found by friends who ask us to run and hide… always separated… always

Dream where I am not me:

Strange... I am me and another!!! I can be me female and a male… I am both parties in a relation, and both parties in a situation… feeling men muscles… and women softness… who am I?

Dream that means something:

dreams that want to send me a certain message… it starts with as a normal dream… a set of unrelated fogy events… and suddenly, a focus on a certain things … as if I am using a camera… and zoom to show closely something very specific… even the wake up from such dreams means something… open my eyes widely and stare at the ceiling… whisper with one thing… I had a message… to such dreams I react differently, I first used to ignore and leave it to tomorrow… but now… I don’t… I read books of symbols… I read myself… I read the skies … I read the nature… till I reach what I want to know

Last dream of that type… a wall of seashells where I found shelter… the interpretation was to believe in myself … and my ability to get myself out of darkness

Dreams that reflect my mood:

Sometimes my daily life is reflected into a scary dream … where the events take the form of symbols… I wake up shivering… I wake up with tears… I wake up afraid… I thank god for waking up and leave my fears sealed in a dream

Dreams that leaves a mark:

No one ever believed it… and no one will... Because no one can ever imagine that a dream can leave marks … yes they do … to me … and I am still waiting for the meaning!!!

Why I have such odd dreams

My emotional instability is behind all this

My eternal search for a way out

For myself

For the true love that would brighten my days

My trial to runaway from myself

Everything

They feed my dreams to torture me

Strange… true enough to say… I don’t want to dream

Flavor of Life

2007-07-25T13:41:00.000+03:00

Have you ever thought of your flavor of life?

Maybe I should start by telling first what a flavor of life is!!!

A flavor of life is your own flavor…

Still not clear!!!.... Ok read this:

I always thought that while creation, god put few drops of certain elements of nature, on the substance that made our bodies… to which the person would eternally belong, and his body responds!!!

That is why; sometimes you may feel that your body would interact with certain elements than others; For me I feel that my body doesn’t like different types of oils, such as almond, or olive oil… they make me feel weird and uncomfortable... as they are too complicated with too many molecules than I can handle or bare, besides they are extracted from other elements… so they seem to me as their shadows…

I am more into natural true elements… with their primary form, such as: Milk, Honey, Jasmine, Sacred Frangipani,

How did I know that?

Easy, for example, when I use cosmetics extracted from such materials, or consume them in different ways… I feel happy, as if a magical cheerful feeling slip into my soul and put a smile of satisfaction upon my face…

I feel that my body cells love them, sing for them, and feel so good, healthy, bright, shining, and extra soft with them…

I have tried rose's extracts, and other fruit extracts… but milk, honey and jasmine are my favorite ever… with them I feel as if I am going back to my first form, a substance mixed with beautiful elements of life.

Now can you tell what your flavor of life is??? :)

The Symbol

2007-07-19T15:17:00.000+03:00

Tattoo has been always a secret wish of mine, and alas I can't do it for several reasons; but that didn’t stop me from wondering what if I can make one… which shape I will choose.

Sometimes I feel like a dragon, some others a butterfly, a little heart, or whatever Celtic shape... But…

I never found myself in any of them… for a tattoo must be symbolic for something inside, a believe, a wish... I dunno… it has to be so personal… so much ME

Until that day….

I was so depressed, crying over old papers… out of anger I held my pen and draw something over my ankle… strangely I felt myself in that little drawing… couldn’t at that time figure out what it was… maybe that is why I decided to study symbols, both religious and artistic…

After lots of readings, and examining many different symbols I realized the hidden meaning of my little drawing… and not just that, but I worked on enhancing it and formulate a meaning of my own... once I am done … I felt that this symbol is me … and I truly belong to its magic… so I decided to get a non toxic black pen and draw it myself every day on my left ankle … that may sound childish … but I truly feel myself with its existence, feel powerful, and protected

Can you see my symbol in this picture below

As noticed it is very simple, and may seem as an ordinary cross to others, but the hidden meanings are more powerful… maybe that is why it is a symbol J … to hide the meaning within, and send people's mind to other directions but the enlightened…

But here, I will reveal the hidden meaning starting with:

The Cross: a reflection of the Ankh "key of life in ancient Egyptian legends"; the horizontal line symbolize the feminine power, and the vertical line symbolize the masculine power, together they represent the sacred union of man and woman which refer to the creation and birth of the universe…

The Four Dots: referred to the four elements of life, Water, Earth, Fire and Air (that was easy)

Why Dots (circle shape): because the circle is a feminine symbol, and also refers to endlessness… so the elements are endlessly generated and protected by the feminine powers

Why in My Left Ankle: symbol of alienation as right is right for some

And Why Ankle: to be near the main vein of life

Simple and not complicated at all… So tell me dear, what is your symbol!!!

L.O.V.E

2007-07-04T23:02:00.000+03:00

Four letters… one word

One word… owned a whole world

A whole world… based on one divine word

One word… made of four letters

Love has tricked me... with the evil within:

L: was Labeled as private properties, Lonely with and without him, Leaned on for every single detail of our relationship, Lamented the loss of my life till my eyes went dry

O: Obey all his wishes and commands, Owned as a vase, or in a better word as a pet, accept Offense to my womanhood and all what makes me me

V: Violation of my past, present, and future

E: The END of love relationship left me Empty, Enclosed, Embittered, Enraged, and Estranged

Might be overreacting, and exaggerating… but I am devastated… can fire give anything but smokes and ashes!!!!

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this blog was forgotten... and by coincidence i found it... will i continue or stop... maybe and maybe not

ps: the used graphic is my own creation, hope you find it nice and expressive

baby am amazed by you !!

2005-10-21T23:41:00.000+02:00

In my case ... the reason for amazement is the degree that he controls everything in me ... my body, soul, mind, heart ... everything ...

I am really amazed by how helpless I become when I am with him ...

I was never like this .. I am always strong ... tough ... hard ... no one can control me specially my wild untamed mind ... except him

Am I happy ??

Well ... romantic wise, people may say ... wow ... this is great .. it is important that the couple has this effect on each other ... but

Reality wise !! this is terrible .. now I know the feeling of the trapped lion ... strong and has his own will, walk in the jungle spreading respect but ... when he is trapped .. he just lose all that and become another big cat in a cage !!!

It is the same .. and that cause me to have a duality .. with others I am strong and taugh and independent ... do what I wanna, and make people do what I wanna ..

But with him ... I do what he wanna ... I am a tamed kitty !! with no will but his will ... with no eyes or ears but his ..

Everytime I try to leave ... he simply pull my collar and I am back ... and that amaze me ... really baby I am amazed by you

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I am trapped in love relationship that I cant understand and cant feel ...

What is in a blog

2005-10-21T23:28:00.000+02:00

I always wondered what is in a blog!! Specially that I tried so many times to create a blog and couldn't write more than one article or two ..

why people write their diaries and wait for strangers to read and comment on them ??

I couldn't find a good answer for that question ... Except when ...

I started to feel that I have to face myself with everything inside me ...

a blog is my way out to the world .. Without revealing my face ...

a blog is my window inside myself without carrying the burden to be exposed

it is a lot easier to be exposed to a stranger than to someone close ... and I cannot afford that any one I know look inside me ... Why !! Well that is another issue that I will soon write about

so !! Lets blog simply :)

rising sun

2005-10-20T11:51:00.000+02:00

I am not a sun ... I know that ... but I wanna act like one ... rise and fill my world with a different feeling .. feeling of warmth ... of light ... of beauty

Weakness and hiding was never me ... and cause of them I was about to loose myself completely in the dark stream of anger and failure of judgment ...

Strong and shining as I was always ... strong and decisive as I was always .. I will be again ...

For me ... and all those who depend on me

Trapped in my Own Self

2005-08-27T11:27:00.000+03:00

What I will say is strange but it is true … myself is setting me up …

what is myself … is it me … or some kind of divine voices that indirectly show me the path when I am lost … can I say it is divine .. I guess yes cause always things go wrong when myself is away … but sometimes voices are evil .. lead me to fake understanding .. it is all about shadows, shadows of moments I lived coming back to me, talking to me ... some are good some are bad … but memories doesn’t talk, they flash in my mind showing me the true face that I missed when I was living them … so they are showing me the path but in a visual way … oh ! but sometimes they are made specially to blind me from seeing what I should see … I want to get out of this loop .. what am I … from what I was made … my mind is in ceaseless circling …

I am trapped in my own self and can’t get out … even the way is blurred and I can’t see anymore … I raise my hand to the sky waiting for the answer of the hidden question about the truth of me and my existence

***Dark Me***