Sadness Strike

disappointing others became my favorite sport these days

and i hardly can seem to do anything right

i lost my compass of life.. or - which is more accurate - i don't have one on the first place

lets go back with my memory to remember when i ever had one .. when i ever know what to do with my life .. when i ever did something for myself .. when i ever know who i am .. when i found my path .. !!!

answer is : NEVER

and because of that ... i suffer ... and make those who are around me suffer too

and because i am a self centered person i hardly can see where my blindness leads me

i only see my pain

consumed by my anger i became senseless .. and ill considerate of what others may feel .. depending heavily on a credit that i didn't built .. and that others have to consider my psychological problems

i feel like an angry elephant who is destroying every beautiful thing on his path without noticing .. just when i was faced with high wall that cannot be passed i looked behind ... and i started to see .. the destruction i made

but ... is it too late to make it up?

i broke many things .. in many people ..

precious things

things that even if they were repaired ... they are already cracked .. and the marks can never be healed

i have a problem

and i refuse to see it

and cause of it i lost precious people... who can never be replaced

----------------------------

i can see sadness on their faces

sadness i caused

i .. the one who think she is the victim of the world ... but i end up to be the executor of beautiful feelings

----------------------------

forgive me Racha for Failing you

forgive me Mai for not standing when i should

and you MOMO .. forgive me for hurting you deeply when u never deserved it

----------------------------

GOD forgive me .. i am not bad.. i am just ....... angry .. and ......................................... Blind

please help me to release this anger .. help me to see the sun .. and restore what remains of me

Amen

The FORCES working in NATURE

Currently i am reading an amazing book called "Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder"...

The book is presenting the History of Philosophy, in the form of a beautiful Novel... explaining the very hard to explain philosophical questions, philosophers, and terms in a a very very very simple way.

But i am not here to talk about the book... but to tell about something that attracted my attention and i thought of sharing it with you - my readers and fellow bloggers.

The first chapters are talking about how the different philosophers tried to explain the existence, and the processes of nature... away from Myth and legends of elders... and that was done by studying the nature itself

Away from all the complicated theories about existence... i want to share one theory with you... the theory of Empedocles

He suggested that all beings consist of four elements in various proportions ... those elements are: Water, Air, Fire, and Earth...


Wat was actually interesting are the forces that work on these elements to create and end life those forces are: LOVE ????????????? and Strife

Love, the force that binds elements of nature together

Strife, is the force that separate elements of nature from each other

Love?.... love !!!.... LOVEEEEEE oh god!

I dont beleive in love... i only beleive in its destructive impact... and now i see this love is the force that creates life

Love in both its relative and absolute meanings .. is life

Life evolves around love

Now you know how confused i am

My Strange Idea for Today
Love?????????????????