God's Law

 

GOD's Law

how many crime has been committed in the name of god and his holy laws

how many has been oppressed and abused 

how much pain has been inflicted

I am a believer, and god's love is in my heart

I believe that he is merciful and loving 

I believe that whatever he said has been misused and misinterpreted by some to use it against others

I am a victim of God's law 

since I was a kid and until the moment I am writing these words

I have been abused, oppressed, deceived, and lied to under the banner of God's law

thrown into endless darkness that slipped into my soul... ate my peace and existence under the concept of the holy God's law

all of this turned me into the wort version of myself... crazy, angry, irrational... an ugly soul... burning with hurt and pain

looking into the mirror not knowing who I am.. who is this person... where are the smiles and laughter... where is the cheerful girl with endless imagination... full of love and lust

who is this shadow... 

I was puzzled until the truth is revealed... God's law... that gives a person the right to betray and deceive, and even take it as a genuine right.

I am broken my friends 

My faith in Love, in Faithfulness, in something great, pure, and beautiful that can defy the ugliness of the world is gone

I am Tired my friends

weary and consumed... year after year, convincing myself that everything is going to be ok... but it was never ok... I couldn't make myself accept the ugly situation and continue to look into the other side as if it doesn't exist

I am sad my friends

It is the one I love so much, and always willing to give my all to, and willing to do anything for, and willing to take a million extra mile for... oh.. it is the one I believed in, the one i never thought that he will hurt me that much.. hurt me that deep.. hurt me without remorse... hurt me without regret

This is not how it was supposed to be... this is not how it was supposed to end if ever end 

Now I am looking and thinking... What's left now?

What's left of my life, and What's left of my self

nothing much actually... I am a shell of who I use to be, an empty shell, eaten up from inside, anger and pain feasted on me... slowly and unceasingly 

I have to save what remains of me... for me... for my little sunshine... we deserve peace, we deserve a better tomorrow where there is no room for anger and sadness... betrayal and deceiving... lies under various reasons... under the flashing bright sign of God's law

I dont know if I will make it

I dont know if I can

but I owe it to myself to try

success and failure is not what I am thinking about now... it is survival... 

My strange Idea of the Day

I am a Survivor of God's Law 

Season of the Witch

Soon will begin the season of the witches 

Fall... when the whole face of the earth is changing… and the hidden witch inside me come to life… out of her cocoon… welcoming a new chapter... using the magical gift that she was blessed with

Fall has always been my comfort season... it is so beautiful where I live... colors and chilly breeze... and a cozy smell in the air

I need to prepare a selection of warm drinks, cozy sweaters, and a list of enchanting music

I need to satisfy the urge of writing, and reading.. defy the addiction to colorful screens that show me everyday how ugly the world is

I need to redirect my energy... summon my phoenix spirit to rise 

I need to love myself more... to take care of myself more... to tell myself that all will be ok 

I need the witch inside to show her face to the world, the resilient and the able... the one with magic that can do all 

I need.. and I want... and I hope that I will

My strange idea for Today

Let the witch rise... let the magic begin