October 15, 2024
The Three Musketeers
October 06, 2024
The Maze
Walking inside a maze with no way out
All paths no matter how further they took me are deceiving
Blocked at the end with no hope to go through
I am trying to tame my wounded angry self... be rational... be reasonable... chase away my demons... stand my ground... believe that all will be ok
In vain
I really dont know what to do... I really dont know where to go... i really dont know how to be ok... I really dont know when all of this will be over... I dont know... I really dont know.
How do you ask for peace and you took mine away
You left me in the middle of endless chaos... lost... unbalanced and... disoriented
frozen inside my deepest fears
i wish i can breath... i wish i can see the sun... i wish i am out of this maze..
My Strange idea for today
and what if the fighter is tired of fighting?
and what if the fighter wants to surrender?
September 19, 2024
Healing Alone
September 01, 2024
The Story Teller
August 17, 2024
God's Law
GOD's Law
how many crime has been committed in the name of god and his holy laws
how many has been oppressed and abused
how much pain has been inflicted
I am a believer, and god's love is in my heart
I believe that he is merciful and loving
I believe that whatever he said has been misused and misinterpreted by some to use it against others
I am a victim of God's law
since I was a kid and until the moment I am writing these words
I have been abused, oppressed, deceived, and lied to under the banner of God's law
thrown into endless darkness that slipped into my soul... ate my peace and existence under the concept of the holy God's law
all of this turned me into the wort version of myself... crazy, angry, irrational... an ugly soul... burning with hurt and pain
looking into the mirror not knowing who I am.. who is this person... where are the smiles and laughter... where is the cheerful girl with endless imagination... full of love and lust
who is this shadow...
I was puzzled until the truth is revealed... God's law... that gives a person the right to betray and deceive, and even take it as a genuine right.
I am broken my friends
My faith in Love, in Faithfulness, in something great, pure, and beautiful that can defy the ugliness of the world is gone
I am Tired my friends
weary and consumed... year after year, convincing myself that everything is going to be ok... but it was never ok... I couldn't make myself accept the ugly situation and continue to look into the other side as if it doesn't exist
I am sad my friends
It is the one I love so much, and always willing to give my all to, and willing to do anything for, and willing to take a million extra mile for... oh.. it is the one I believed in, the one i never thought that he will hurt me that much.. hurt me that deep.. hurt me without remorse... hurt me without regret
This is not how it was supposed to be... this is not how it was supposed to end if ever end
Now I am looking and thinking... What's left now?
What's left of my life, and What's left of my self
nothing much actually... I am a shell of who I use to be, an empty shell, eaten up from inside, anger and pain feasted on me... slowly and unceasingly
I have to save what remains of me... for me... for my little sunshine... we deserve peace, we deserve a better tomorrow where there is no room for anger and sadness... betrayal and deceiving... lies under various reasons... under the flashing bright sign of God's law
I dont know if I will make it
I dont know if I can
but I owe it to myself to try
success and failure is not what I am thinking about now... it is survival...
My strange Idea of the Day
I am a Survivor of God's Law