What is a Home?
Is it the walls… the windows… the doors?
Is it the address that you go to everyday… to shelter your mortal being?
Is it the place in which you keep your memories… your precious possessions… your everyday things?
Is it that physical existence that you think you belong to?
Or is it the people that live with you?
Is it a person, or persons?
Is it a loving arm or the noise of laughter?
What is a home and where to find it?
All my life I tried to belong, to find what’s so called home… and only when I thought that I found it, i realized it was just a mirage…it doesn’t exist… and all what i saw and thought it is real is simply a lie, a shadow, a smoke.
My physical existence is acting like a robot… do what i have programmed it to do… chained to reality.
But
My soul.. my vulnerable transparent soul,
My heart.. my aching cracked heart,
My mind.. my exhausted weary mind,
Floating in the void… the cold dark void… with no place to call home… no place to shelter my being… no place to peacefully exist.
I am homeless within the walls of a place I once called home.
I am homeless in the arms of someone I once called love.
I am homeless when the all mighty took my mother away.
I am homeless when I allowed myself to exchange who I am with who I am not.
I am homeless when I accepted what I shouldn’t accept.
I am homeless when i packed all my worlds and words in a small box… and threw it in a dark place inside my mind.
I am homeless and i feel it more and more everyday.
No place to call home my friend.
No place to call home.
4 comments:
Hello Egyptiana
I came across your blog, the way you write, choice of words to express your thoughts and inner feelings is quite inspirational and indicative of sentimental and spiritual persona...
Obviously you have been through a lot, you have experienced love, sorrow and bitterness nevertheless in my own humble opinion the most devastating and unbearable feeling that left a real scar in your soul is the “Loss” of your beloved mother anything else can AND will be redeemed I’m so sorry that you faced such loss! God rest her soul and fill your heart with peace.
Yes death is the inevitable truth of life yet we never accepts the truth easily, aren’t we?!
As with Greek methodology the Heroine ordinary world is shacked upside down when she receives her calling to go on a journey where she will change forever…
Along her journey she will meet friends, mentors and foes to gain awareness about her true nature. She will be challenged, tested and tempted by her shadows even when all is lost she will find light in the heart of the abyss to prevail…
Sure you had moments of grief but I'm quite sure you had merry times as well.
Embrace your journey Egyptiana, don’t give in to dark thoughts to dominate your beautiful soul and be your status quo because you are the Heroine and your biggest triumph lies ahead!
Dear Egyptiana,
While it is always a treat to read your thoughts I'm truly sorry to learn about your mother's passing, please accept my sincere condolences,
may god bless her soul and give you strength and perseverance to withstand the tragic event.
(Just for distinction )
this is the original anonymous
Dear Anonymous with the first comment
Thank you for passing by, and thank you for your sweet words they have touched something in me
Death… how can one accept death, accept that someone was lost forever and will never be seen again? It has been over a year and i still can’t.. i just avoid thinking about it… I can’t but ignore it
They say hard times makes us stronger, i try to hold on to that… but it is not usually working
I have no choice but keep going … and i hope one day i reach the end of this dark tunnel
Dear Original Anonymous
Thank you for your warm feelings… always a pleasure to know that you are here …
I can’t say it was a shock… she was truly sick… but i am devastated and i am pretending to be ok and that by itself is suffocating me
Thanks for your prayers… god bless your sweet soul my dear friend
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