And despite the fact that it is an air sign… the symbol is the water bearer
This contradiction has caused chaos in my life
Dont get me wrong I dont say contradicting things… my words are solid and I hardly change them… but when one is ruled by wind and water… one turns into a hurricane.
Moreover, they call us the alien of the zodiac signs… our unique nature is too strong to be masked by following the common human rules
I noticed that this word never ceases to appear in my life… seems that I am truly an alien who doesn’t belong to her surrounding
But i am not here to speak about my zodiac… I am here because I came across an analysis that mentioned Aquarius worst and most toxic trait… which is… living in the past!!
And as if a revelation of truth dawned upon me… it is true… I linger in the past… I let it roam in my mind… freely leeching off over my present … ruining my future
Every day i recall flashes from the past… prey on my soul… stuff my brain with all good and bad memories alike
When i remember the smell of my mother’s food, and what she use to do when i am sick
When i remember my pain after realizing how horrible my choice of friends is
When i remember how i tried for a long time to find a shelter for my broken heart and fail
When i remember that i allowed myself to be used and abused by almost everyone i know
When i remember that i shouldn’t give up my true self for anything or anyone, and I shouldn’t have chosen the easy path… that i should have tried to reach my dream… and explore the marvelous world inside my mind
I linger in the past… why I still linger in the past
Trapped inside my mind… between I-wish-I-live-that-again and I-wish-I-never-did-that
Trapped and blinded… and at the end of the day i am too exhausted to think about today and tomorrow
Trapped and blinded and mute… for I cannot speak loudly about my past… it will be in vain
Now the million dollar question… how to burry this past… how to live in peace… how can I reapportion all this wasted energy… embracing the present… planing for the future
Unfortunately it is a trait… a significant characteristic that will not go away… all I can do is to try to live with it… distract myself… maybe read and write more… I don’t know… I truly don’t know!
All I know is that I shall linger in the past… till I become a past myself… destiny written and cannot be altered
My strange idea for the day
I need to restart my brain
7 comments:
Hello Egyptiana,
I guess being an Aquarius do tell a great deal about your character, the way you choose your words to describe yourself, feelings, thoughts, pain, past experiences even remembering small details such as the food odor of your late beloved Mother - God rest her soul- that something you should be proud of because that what makes you unique!
Hmm "The Past" now that's a "Never Ending Story" yet it differs from one person to another sometimes we crave for its happy moments yet we resent how we were shortsighted and overlooked red flags that kept popping up in front of our own eyes however, we choose either willingly or may be because we were so blinded by passion, desire and may I say love that we just couldn't resists the temptation of stealing moments of happiness and euphoria such moments keep hunting us in our present eventually we asks ourselves how could we have played it differently? Leading to the billion dollar question "What/If?!"
Now to tell you the truth the simple answer to that; "we Are Who We Are" In this very instant we are the result of all our choices; right and wrong ones, failures and success, poor and wise decisions, all the people we've met, places and cities we have travelled to!
When we look at the past we have a true ache because we miss it even though we know it hurts but moving on was an inevitable choice nevertheless every now and then when you are laying in our bed reading a novel, at your work working on your PC or even cooking a meal in the kitchen for your family a flash memory fill your head with a series of shots of the "Old You" like a magnet you are drawn which a is a powerful momentum that might amuse and may be fill your heart with bitterness when you wake up to face your reality in the very actual moment "Here and Now" all you have to do that you endure it gratefully and use it to shape something else like you do by getting it out in any form that will be your relief....
They say we can't change the past we can only learn from it they call it in drama "The Moment of "Illumination" that doesn't mean it's easy because the most important lesson I've learned from my humble experience in life "No Body Takes It All!" period.
For instance a person can't have a job that fulfill his passion yet it still pay off financially and socially alike...she or he can't have the perfect partner who is compatible emotionally, mentally, socially, and physically...
There is always a sacrifice and price to be paid, you have to let go of something to have the other!
Most of my life I was convinced that we can get it all but then I was blind no more and enlightened may be I don't have to follow the book and rules, what applied on other people and makes them happy not necessary fits me! Once I realized this face for real I went to fulfill my dream and true passion I had to let go of many things, - it was an expensive choice - however I was living my dream...
I won't lie sometimes I ask myself what/If I was wrong? but I remind myself no one forced me that was own choice, destiny and my journey I endure it proudly all of it failures before successes...
Endure your past, embrace your present and cherish the future that's how you will find your peace!
Be well
EG, I’m delighted to read your magical words and knowing that more will be coming our way,
Dear Anonymous, it is an honor and privilege to be called mate:) by you,
never been called that which leads me to believe that you are or were a resident of the land down under:)
Your intellect and way of writing is beyond me, it is like or is music coming from The land of Mozart, it’s a joy to have this beautiful exchange mate:)
Cheers.
Dear Anonymous,
You overwhelm me with such kind and gentle words, it indicates that you are a thoughtful, decent and authentic person not to mention your witty and skilled writing too.
If Egyptiana is a Corker, Mate you are a Gem, a true one. I'm glad that I came across both of you.
Cheers!
Dear Anonymous who called me EG
Thank you for your sweet compliment, but where is the Land down under?
Hello Egyptiana, Glad that I helped to shed some light!
Just remember every journey has a first step..
Australia!
Good morning EG and anonymous,
I'm glad to hear about the progress you have made Eg,
The land Down under as may fellow Anonymous pointed out Australia and I think you can add New Zealand as will..
Cheers Mates.
I wonder why I can’t add emoji here
And does any of you read Arabic ?
If not i will have to translate some of my old writing … as i want to share it with you
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