Poison

Woke up that day sick, worn out, unable to put the mask of strength on my face.

Laying there in my bed… clouds obscuring my thoughts… sipping coffee my mom made… and trying to swallow those oversized pills that carry the healing powers of our modern time

Text here and there… phone call here and there… looking at my blog… but my ideas were scattered inside my brain… 

Midday

The bell rang … I didn’t care, I am still in bed

My mother’s voice ringing thru the hall, someone with flowers and a package… he needs your signature

Flowers and a package?

For me?

But how? Why? And from who?

My heart racing with excitement… so do names and faces in my head

I went to the door, and here it was, a big bouquet of beautiful flower and a package waiting for my signature

I signed and checked the card. 

It was him… his warm feelings were flowing beyond the few written words… big smile shining on my face… at this moment i could see his strong serious face… choosing carefully his words and write them down… knowing that i will feel and understand what was beyond them

My phone ringing and it was his voice… his warm assuring voice… wishing me well… and wishing that i would like the gift

The gift… i forgot about that… taken by the beauty of the flowers and the warmth of his words

I opened the gift and it was a bottle of perfume

A plump blackish purple bottle… with one word… Poison

This is a story from a faraway past… and I dunno why I remembered it

But when I did… I realized the hidden meaning behind the choice of this perfume

Poison he called me 

And poison I was for him

Poison that he was and wasn’t afraid of

Part of him was aching to take it… and another was trying to pull him away from its lethal impact

Poison… he called me

Poison… I am 

Poison… am I?

I pulled him beyond the gates of the unknown… of the ordinary… of the real everyday life

I was a ghost… a shadow… a dream

With me… He was experiencing feelings that were new… beautiful and magical

With me… he was discovering another face of himself… a face he didn’t even thought it existed

With me… he indulged in thoughts that are beyond his everyday life, and his solid position in the society

He wanted this world… My world… a world of magic and beautiful fantasy

His attraction was increasing everyday… he was knee deep in this endless ocean of mysteries… and with every passing moment.. the feeling  was rooted more and more inside the desert of his soul… spreading like a mysterious tree… nourishing and shading his weary self

He called me poison… the thought of me was taking over him… pull him away from his life… disturbing the sacred routine and peace

He called me poison … but not all poison kills

Poison is also healing

I was his poison … poison to his everyday ordinary life… and healer of his yearning soul to my unknown world

Poison… he called me

Poison… I am 

Poison… am I?

My not so Strange Idea of the Day

With age comes wisdom… and insight

And now I know what it means to be called .. Poison

The Fallen Angel

The world mysteries are ancient as time itself, dark and shocking… and sometimes my mind can’t grasp the idea behind some of them.

Yesterday i slept a human, a basic everyday human, do all what humans do, and feel all what humans feel, human indeed or that’s what i thought.

Today i woke up a descendant of fallen angels, but with no wings to fly me away home, no superpower to change enforce my will, no insight into the unknown obscure future.

A descendant with no trace of my ancient ancestors but a mysterious blood type … that’s rare and unusual… and has puzzled scientist about its origins.

Rhesus  Negative … the Alien Blood … laugh at the face of humanity and tell them there is more than just them living in the universe… and what we ignore is much more than what we know

The theory is based on biblical text, speaking of a superior race - The Nephilim race - who fell from heaven, the sons of God who lusted the mortal women of earth… they mated with them, and a new hybrid is created with an unusual blood type.

But what interested me in all of this is how we are described… they say we are different, our perception of things is different, our psychic ability is different, our sensitivity to the external world is different… many claimed they feel alienated in their surrounding, and long for a place they call home and don’t know where it is.

Some say it is the mark of witches, the descendants of demons, the aliens who visited earth a long time ago 

But i say i am just different… and to be different is not easy… the everyday struggle is exhausting… i had to teach myself how to live and cherish my difference, and carry it proudly wherever i go

It is 3am in the morning, and i started to feel my wings spreading… ready to fly me toward the unknown

No Place to Call Home

 

What is a Home?

Is it the walls… the windows… the doors?

Is it the address that you go to everyday… to shelter your mortal being?

Is it the place in which you keep your memories… your precious possessions… your everyday things?

Is it that physical existence that you think you belong to?

Or is it the people that live with you?

Is it a person, or persons?

Is it a loving arm or the noise of laughter?

What is a home and where to find it?

All my life I tried to belong, to find what’s so called home… and only when I thought that I found it, i realized it was just a mirage…it doesn’t exist… and all what i saw and thought it is real is simply a lie, a shadow, a smoke.

My physical existence is acting like a robot… do what i have programmed it to do… chained to reality.

But

My soul.. my vulnerable transparent soul, 

My heart.. my aching cracked heart,

My mind.. my exhausted weary mind,

Floating in the void… the cold dark void… with no place to call home… no place to shelter my being… no place to peacefully exist.

I am homeless within the walls of a place I once called home.

I am homeless in the arms of someone I once called love.

I am homeless when the all mighty took my mother away.

I am homeless when I allowed myself to exchange who I am with who I am not.

I am homeless when I accepted what I shouldn’t accept.

I am homeless when i packed all my worlds and words in a small box… and threw it in a dark place inside my mind.

I am homeless and i feel it more and more everyday.

No place to call home my friend.

No place to call home.

 

I

 once the Free

once the Wild

once standing tall Above the World

I 

Put the chains around my Neck

Descended to the Real

and Broke my Wings

I

Loved 

I

Sought the Safety and Warmth of the Loving arms

I

Payed the price with my Soul

I

Lost I

Today I am Puzzled and I keep Asking 

Who Am I?

Hello... welcome home

Isn't it lovely, all alone?
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin to bone
Hello, welcome home

Instagram blogging

I am on instagram ... follow the link


https://www.instagram.com/everyday_everycolor/

facebook page

Created a new facebook page mainly in arabic

كلمات ليست كالكلمات

Finding oneself

Simple Pleasures of Life

It doesn't have to be fancy
It doesn't have to be complicated
It only needs to be real ... to be one of the simple pleasures of life

Someone told me don't wait to reach perfect happiness ... cause you will not ... no matter how hard you work ... no matter how long you go ... you will not reach what humans call ... HAPPINESS

Life is not about happiness ... it is about living good ... and enjoy every day as it is ... and every simple pleasure that comes your way ... after sometimes they will accumulate ... build a fortress of pinkish positive lovely energy ... only then you will feel nourished .. you will feel HAPPY 

a cup of tea with a loved one 
a movie you like
a restaurant you have a memory in
a special night
moon light 
a word

Enjoy one thing at a time
Enjoy one thing every day
Enjoy the simple pleasures of life

My strange Idea of Today: 

Enjoy ... for REAL

Thinking of you ...

لينا شماميان - بالي معاك: http://youtu.be/M8Kn9b5l2io

Remember

Josh Groban ~ "Remember" Troy 2004 Offical Music …: http://youtu.be/3yy6SIzq8Mc

It Says Everything

Where are my words

Searching inside my mind ... in the closed doors of my soul ... searching with hope sometimes ... and desperation most of the time.

Where are my words ... Where is my world ... Where is myself ... My dreams and hopes and endless thoughts. 

I am dissolved ... melted ... disappeared ... I am deformed ... or maybe reformed. 

I am myself but never me ... deep inside me ... secret dreamy me ... enchantress me ... The witch with the golden eyes. 

There is a lot that i want to draw with words ... but there is something that keeps me from sinking myself in a world of  my own creation ... anchored ... captivated. 

I love my life .. it has all the love and peace you can imagine ... but lacks something ... something that use to feed me ... and make me flourish. 

It lacks magic ... that spark of the unusual ... that touch of the unknown ... those stories i lived and breathed .. this world i created ... where all this has gone ... why i cant reach it anymore .. why i cant find the door ... what is keeping me ?

Life is too REAL

My strange idea for today: 

Witch and proud

I Moved

New blog about my everyday stories

Surviving Ms ... Marriage, Motherhood, and More

Read Me ... Thanks

Back .. Maybe

Since April 18th 2011, I didnt write a single word in my precious blog ..

I occasionally find some comments from ANONYMOUS who i think i vaguely know who they are!! 

I reply

then I forget

one of the comments was a question... why did you stop writing??

this question pierced my heart ... deep .. and hard

for me writing was life... i lived within my words .. my dreams .. my ultimate imagination... and suddenly i stopped .. i vanished from the world i created upon this rare pinkish cloud in the world of ghosts ..

why did you stop writing ...

O! Anonymous ... how those words burned my soul and brought cold tears to my eyes 

for me writing was life ... i built a world .. a world of my own .. ruled by my wild dreams .. a world i loved .. and embrassed .. 

from my pinkish cloud  .. i was watching the real world .. sometimes laughing .. sometimes crying ... sometimes happy with my life as it is .. and sometimes envious.

thought i am immune to love .. to life and happiness ... high above all other skies .. in a world that no one can reach without my permission... but.. one day.. i heard a call... it enchanted me to the extent of leaving my own world and dive down to earth .. to normal life ..

one day after the other .. i sink more and more ... and my pinkish cloud in the world of ghost became nothing but a memory

but i have to admit... it was my own choice ..
i chose to be normal.. to live the experience.. to taste the sweetness of love and the craziness of motherhood... i miss writing .. and wish i have time in between my wild scheduel of endless to do's... but this time i am planing for something big.. a book ..

a book about stories .. maybe a long one .. or a bunch of short ones.. maybe in english or arabic .. maybe fairytale like or reality like... i am still deciding .. just have one hope .. that i can make it

My strange idea for today

watching cartoon while blogging is quiet disturbing 

Why did you stop writing

An anonymous sent me a message in time that I don't know

He was asking... Wondering...

Why did you stop writing

I discovered this message by mere coincidence... As much as it brighten me to know that someone is still reading me  ... As much as it lefts me gloomy and unable to think but in this question

Why did i stop writing

Well...It is complicated

I have always denied my unique nature.. My dreamy self.. My magical being

Always dreamed of a simple peaceful normal life

God was generous enough to grant me my wish... But nothing is free my friend... I had to pay dearly... I had to sacrifice my old self... Give up what use to make me ... Me ...

And here i am

A wife
A mother
A simple normal housewife
A dream that came true

Overwhelmed... Taken... Devoured by life .. Simple life.. Normal life... Routine life

Don't get me wrong my friend... I am happy

After a long miserable ill secure disturbed life... I found happiness ..peace.. And security

But

Ohh but
I am a human
I miss mystical me... The land of magic and mysteries in which i lived once.. The songs of the nature ... My pinky cloud in the world of ghosts and magic

Now i am trying ... But barriers and obstacles and chains are pushing me away... All what i can now iss to wish and hope and pray .. That one day... Maybee one day... I ll visit my old land again

My strange idea of the day

I am a human being ..

Welcoming Spring

I always had a certain weakness towards Spring

Its the revival season .. in which the earth go young again .. and all creatures celebrates with a fertility rituals

Mating

Dancing

Joying

Singing

Blooming

I decided to celebrate myself .. bought a BASIL plant ..

Generally ... to add some green to my life

Symbolically .. to revive my weary self .. and help me to face the sun again

Spiritually .. it is a Holy Basil worshiped by the hindu .. it represents represents purity, serenity, harmony, luck, happiness and good health.

Promise to my plant ... i will love and cherish you always

My Strange Idea for Today

I MUST find spiritual symbols in everything

I Transform

"Nature is in a constant state of transformation" - sophie's world (p33)

so do we !!

so do everything .. and everyone around

I changed .. a great part of me

some qualities were lost forever in the endless darkness of the oceans

some qualities were acquired .. but not all are angelic ..

and some were haunted for .. adaptation is a necessity

Everyday i look in the mirror to find a change .. slight .. but exist

a hair is whitening

a wrinkle is crawling on the side of myface

a sight of confidence is increasing

a heart beat of fear is Sneaking to the usual rythm of my heart

I TRANSFORM

Even my dreams ... my thoughts ... the way i look to things

depressing?

sometimes .. i miss me .. the ignorant young girl who is still taking her first steps in life

sometimes .. i hate me .. the clumsy who hardly listens to anybody ... want only to do what she wanna ... without rational thoughts about the consequences

I TRANSFORM

even my words ... my interests ... even the way i embrass things

encouraging??

sometimes .. i love the change .. i love what i gained .. the high level of tolerence .. the rationality of thinking .. the wisdom

sometimes .. i hate it .. for i cant enjoy the crazy pleasures of life

TRANSFORMATION

is what we are going through

physically .. mentally .. spiritually

but if there is only one fact in this change .. i fear more of tomorrow .. the dragon heart that use to beat once inside me .. is soften ..

heart ache i feel

My Strange Idea for Today

we dont use well our time .. we only keep spilling it

WHO ARE YOU ?!

I spent all my life trying to answer this question .. trying to identify my identity .. my true identity that's full of conflicts .. of possible normal things .. of impossible freaky things .. of ME .. Real ME .. TRUE ME

Am not the one who goes to work at 8 am and spend long boring hours till 4 pm

Am not the one who stands in the street with a blank mind waiting for transportation

Am not the one who spends her time wondering on facebook from one game to the other to kill time and spell its pure blood on the floors of history

Am not the one who cannot concentrates while reading something mysterious without embrassing it and feel its mystical power flow inside my veins .. triggering my mind

Am not the one with no dreams .. no thoughts .. no imagination

I am other

Finding my true self took me ages of wander .. thru worlds beyound ordinary minds

Finding my identity ... is freedom

I am WATER ... that contains all human bodies and wash away their pain and anger .. release their fake self and turn them back to who they really are

I am WIND ... that travels between worlds we dont even know they exist .. absorbing knowledge and spread it everywhere

I am EARTH ... whose fertility give birth to a whole world full of wonders

I am FIRE ... that burns with anger all enemies .. yet warm my beloved one .. welcome him .. and embrass him

Am the universe itself .. a wonder in my creation by the ultimate creator

who am i ?

I am that girl who enjoys simple pleasures of life .. like walking bare foot on the green dewed grass .. and the smell of the fresh waves bringing me news from afar

I am that witch who can enchant living creatures with spells made of spices.. milk .. and honey

I am that warrior who defend her beloved ones with her soul .. and sword

I am a woman .. the bringer of life .. and the giver of love

I am a woman .. the mysterious .. the soft .. the beautiful .. the wild

I am a woman .. the armor from fears .. the chaser of pain

This is me

The absolute fact .. a woman who is living and giving and iteracting with the universe and embrace its secrets

and You !!!

My Strange Idea of Today

Do you really Know Who You Are?!!

My Life in Pink

NEW Life

NEW Phase

NEW Me

Welcoming my NEW BLOG

My Life in Pink