GOD's Law
how many crime has been committed in the name of god and his holy laws
how many has been oppressed and abused
how much pain has been inflicted
I am a believer, and god's love is in my heart
I believe that he is merciful and loving
I believe that whatever he said has been misused and misinterpreted by some to use it against others
I am a victim of God's law
since I was a kid and until the moment I am writing these words
I have been abused, oppressed, deceived, and lied to under the banner of God's law
thrown into endless darkness that slipped into my soul... ate my peace and existence under the concept of the holy God's law
all of this turned me into the wort version of myself... crazy, angry, irrational... an ugly soul... burning with hurt and pain
looking into the mirror not knowing who I am.. who is this person... where are the smiles and laughter... where is the cheerful girl with endless imagination... full of love and lust
who is this shadow...
I was puzzled until the truth is revealed... God's law... that gives a person the right to betray and deceive, and even take it as a genuine right.
I am broken my friends
My faith in Love, in Faithfulness, in something great, pure, and beautiful that can defy the ugliness of the world is gone
I am Tired my friends
weary and consumed... year after year, convincing myself that everything is going to be ok... but it was never ok... I couldn't make myself accept the ugly situation and continue to look into the other side as if it doesn't exist
I am sad my friends
It is the one I love so much, and always willing to give my all to, and willing to do anything for, and willing to take a million extra mile for... oh.. it is the one I believed in, the one i never thought that he will hurt me that much.. hurt me that deep.. hurt me without remorse... hurt me without regret
This is not how it was supposed to be... this is not how it was supposed to end if ever end
Now I am looking and thinking... What's left now?
What's left of my life, and What's left of my self
nothing much actually... I am a shell of who I use to be, an empty shell, eaten up from inside, anger and pain feasted on me... slowly and unceasingly
I have to save what remains of me... for me... for my little sunshine... we deserve peace, we deserve a better tomorrow where there is no room for anger and sadness... betrayal and deceiving... lies under various reasons... under the flashing bright sign of God's law
I dont know if I will make it
I dont know if I can
but I owe it to myself to try
success and failure is not what I am thinking about now... it is survival...
My strange Idea of the Day
I am a Survivor of God's Law
8 comments:
Hello Egyptiana,
I’ve read your latest post several times and had mixed feelings, I know that this cozy and special space where you share your ideas, thoughts and feelings in spite of being personal yet usually you divulge them in general manner but for the first time I feel it is not the case!
I don’t want to jump to any conclusions because I know that writing have several meanings coincidently I started today reading a book by a great Moroccan author Abdel Fattah Kilito “The Author & his doubles” seeking to define the traditional and historical forces that bind one writer to another and that inextricably link an author to a text! Hence, maybe you are writing this post on the “What If” scenario…
I had to make this disclaimer because interpreting the subtext of your post “God’s Law” might refer to second marriage and/or divorce license stipulated in the verses of “Holy Quran”.
If this is the case then there are no words can lighten up such harsh situation all what I can do is pray for you to heal because it’s is not easy by all means specially when a marriage last for several years resulting children – I made that assumption when you mentioned your little sunshine-
I’m crossing my fingers my dear friend that my assumption is wrong because I really wish you eternal happiness with your beloved ones.
Be well.
Hello Dear friends,
E.G. God's Law and or human laws that is perceived often to be God's law? and that's where things get a nasty twist but that's another subject for another day,
your post is so profound and shows a deeply tormented soul which also reveals a sensitive and pure nature of high expectations and that in itself should make you strong and able to overcome whatever it is you are facing, do that if not for yourself do it for your little sunshine..
Cheers are in order.
I am tired my friends
I have no one, and i am so alone... an alien in an alien land... facing everything alone... trying to heal alone... trying to stand and keep going all by myself.
you are the only souls that listen to what's between my words, the cries of my soul, the anger of my being, the sadness of my existence
it is just so hard to go through one devastating situation after the other, and not being able to properly respond or solve the issues
today i woke up tired, tired of life itself, tired of breathing
emotionally, mentally and physically tired
but i have to get up, and keep going
pray for me
Dear Egyptiana,
We can hear and your definitely not alone you have your family, little sunshine and quite sure you have a friend or two who you can rely upon.
I sense the pain and agony in your words but trust this fact for better or worse all shall and will pass don't lose your faith trust in your self you are a fighter so what you lost couple of rounds no matter we all face loss - yes its heartbreaking when it comes to relationships - but I presume you have been through worse situations and it passed as well.
Patience my dear all your pain, sadness and anger will diminish whereas relief, happiness and peace will prevail.
Praying for you, be well.
Dear E.G.
I could see the agony and torment in your words, I certainly hope you can gather your strength and try to come through because that is the best option, of course it is easier said than don but that is the way friends help one another.
have a peaceful day.
and what if the fighter is tired of fighting?
and what if the fighter wants to surrender?
Every fighter/ Warrior needs a rest, if you can escape for a couple of days from your usual routine and whereabouts do it immediately you can change scenery, shut down totally like a PC, clear your mind totally try to live like the old days when your shoulders were free from any responsibility or obligations whatsoever! Treat yourself nicely, cuddle her and restore your old wild and rebellious teen hood spirt :) trust me you will achieve wonders afterwards as if you are reborn again!
Wish you best of luck dear friend.
i wish ... i need to connect to that old self badly.. she was strong and able to do things and take hard decisions ... oh how i wish
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