August 30, 2007

What are we Designed for

Human beings are strong creatures… maybe the strongest ever in this planet… they have overcome WARS, NATURAL DISASTERS, DEATH, SICKNESS, even LIFE itself… and in each event, they have proved well that they can carry on no matter what

Human beings are designed to carry loads of responsibilities… of others and toward others

Human beings are designed to survive … to stand before the tornado of life, which squeeze their faith… and test their humanity

But they were never designed to be lonely… to walk the line without interaction and support of other humans

That's why it is so hard to survive death of a beloved one, and for me… it is almost impossible to survive my breakup

It is about a year now

And I am still stunned, can’t really understand what happened…

Can’t bare the feeling of loneliness that burn my senses after he left

I feel empty

Walk with an invisible hole in my soul

Yes I am designed to do wonders

Threw spells of magic

Take enormous responsibilities on my shoulder, as Atlas did with the globe before

Inspire others

Support in whatever till the end of times

Care, share, and listen

But… and I am ashamed to admit it!

Am not designed to be alone

Am not designed to be without him

“Human beings are designed for many things… but loneliness is not one of them”

Desperate Housewives Quote

August 21, 2007

About Dreams

I dream!

Don't smile, and say me too!!

I know you do... we all do... but!!

I am concerned about the types of dreams I am experiencing

Dreams… Dreams

Shadows and fogs

Demons and dead angels

Men… men… women in torture

Me… run… run… no where to run

My dreams, I hate to dream… I hate to fall asleep… for the sake of my dreams' types:

Dreams where I am hunted:

the majority of my dreams are going around this point… I am hunted… running away from someone, from something… run always barefoot in darkness… followed by scary sounds… don't ask me why I run... I just run… run with no way out… run and always been found… escape and run and found and run and found and run and so on… till god wakes me up with his mercy

Dream where I am searching for something:

I am always late... I am always searching for a place... I am always in a hurry… I am always missing my appointment... I am always a looser… I am always searching…. always

Dream where I am in love:

We were never able to be together... always hugging and kissing bitter kisses… always steeling precious moments… always making love with tears… always been found by friends who ask us to run and hide… always separated… always

Dream where I am not me:

Strange... I am me and another!!! I can be me female and a male… I am both parties in a relation, and both parties in a situation… feeling men muscles… and women softness… who am I?

Dream that means something:

dreams that want to send me a certain message… it starts with as a normal dream… a set of unrelated fogy events… and suddenly, a focus on a certain things … as if I am using a camera… and zoom to show closely something very specific… even the wake up from such dreams means something… open my eyes widely and stare at the ceiling… whisper with one thing… I had a message… to such dreams I react differently, I first used to ignore and leave it to tomorrow… but now… I don’t… I read books of symbols… I read myself… I read the skies … I read the nature… till I reach what I want to know

Last dream of that type… a wall of seashells where I found shelter… the interpretation was to believe in myself … and my ability to get myself out of darkness

Dreams that reflect my mood:

Sometimes my daily life is reflected into a scary dream … where the events take the form of symbols… I wake up shivering… I wake up with tears… I wake up afraid… I thank god for waking up and leave my fears sealed in a dream

Dreams that leaves a mark:

No one ever believed it… and no one will... Because no one can ever imagine that a dream can leave marks … yes they do … to me … and I am still waiting for the meaning!!!

Why I have such odd dreams

My emotional instability is behind all this

My eternal search for a way out

For myself

For the true love that would brighten my days

My trial to runaway from myself


They feed my dreams to torture me

Strange… true enough to say… I don’t want to dream