March 24, 2008

Shower Thoughts



Last night I went to shower with a strange mood… blank mind, yet full of flashing ideas… don’t ask me how… it is exactly how I felt… I cannot express it any better or any less

Unlike my usual shower attitude, I laid down in the bathtub… let hot delicious water pour over me… enjoy the sweet feeling of relaxation it generates – to both my Body and Soul.

Only then, my flashes start to get clearer… and my shower thoughts pour all over me just like the hot water.

The water is almost under my chin… I lay further… let the water cover my hair and ears… only my nose and eyes are above the surface… starring at the ceiling… and the drops of water hanged there, wishing for a proper burial in my hand made sea.

Listen to my heavy breathing
Listen to the sound of life coming out of me

I wonder! Here and now, in this typical place for committing suicide
What can ever stop me from cutting my veins? I have access to razors, seems very tempting… huh
Or even lay down and breath water… allow the element of life and death to pour inside me … wash me … fill me
Maybe a little electric device … et voila… I am dead

Why death seems a very tempting idea now!
Why can't I end my life as simple as that
Ending life is so easy
Starting life is almost impossible

The idea is devouring me… leaving no space at all… my breathing gets heavier.. I fought to stand and looked around with amazement… strange thoughts are coming to me nowadays

I started to wash my weary body; it feels good when I am clean, smells like sweet heavenly strawberries… I stared to the mirror in front of me… wondering .. It is so easy to clean the dirt outside … but what can ever clean the dirt inside!!!
*******************************************

My strange Idea for Today

My Bathroom is Hunted … with my others' Thoughts!!!!!!!!!

10 comments:

Arabic ID said...

سأعلق بالعربى
======================
المغامرة فى العيش على الحافة
نمشى على خيط رفيع فوق هاوية سحيقة
نحافظ على اتزاننا بمشقة
نخاف السقوط ... لماذا؟
فلنترك أنفسنا لتلك الجاذبية
ولتتقاذفنا أرق نسمات الهواء
ولنهوى إلى الصمت والنسيان
بدلا من محاولتنا الخلود
أليس ذلك أسهل...؟؟؟
=====

ولكننا دوما ننظر للأمل
وننظر للأخرين
نجد أننا الأمل فى عيونهم
ونجد أننا السحابات التى تظللهم من قسوة الشمس التى لا ترحمهم إلا فى وجودنا فى حياتهم

فمتى تغربنا عنهم
فستواتينا فرصة للأنتحار وتأسرنا لحظة ضعف ويأس
=========
هذا البوست قتلنى فعلا
فقد تسائلت ... كل هذه وحدة؟
سلمتى ايجيبتيانا
=========

Anonymous said...

Mahmoud
Egyptiana,
My dearest and most sensitive soul,
this is one post i wish i didn't read, why...why you let yourself think such thoughts, do you think others are clean or angle like..!
you are wrong my dear no body is, you are one of the cleanest inside and out, you are sincere and honest i know that..
so now reside on your rightful place as THE PRINCESS you really are, a magician of words that touches and penetrate the soul.
talent that is hard to match,truly gifted by almighty.
god has giving you so many things other people will kill for, thank him for it and appreciate yourself. cause you are truly appreciated by every one for you deserve to be.
waiting for more cheerful and hopeful post, please don't let me down.

Shimaa Gamal said...

I guess my bathroom is haunted too. At a point I even thought that maybe my thoughts are in a constant need of hydration. :)

“Stared to the mirror in front of me… wondering ... It is so easy to clean the dirt outside … but what can ever clean the dirt inside!!!”

You are right, it has always been easy to clean outside but who said that inside needs a wash? You reminded me with the old “alf liela w liela” where “Zozo Nabil” was talking to the water saying “nas bet3’sel 2olobha w nas bet3’sel hedomha”.
I believe my dear that you have one of the cleanest hearts so don’t worry about washing the inside and focus on trying something other than strawberries for washing the outside. Summer is almost here and smelling like a strawberry will be so tempting for people to mistake you with ice-cream ;)

Don't forget to enjoy the dust :) Isn't spring beautiful :(

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

Arabic ID العزيز الغالى

نعم كل هذه الوحدة يا عزيزى
للاسف انها افكار متزايدة ومؤلمة
احاول ان اواجهها
كل مرة اتساءل ان كنت سانجح
------------------

ليس السقوط هو المشكلة
ولكن ان نقف مرة اخرى على اقدامنا

مع السقوط نفقد قطعة من ارواحنا... من ايماننا بعالمنا ومن حولنا... حتى نتحول الى اخرين

بالاضافة الى ان مع السقوط غالبا ما تتقاذفنا رياح عاصفة... تمضغ اجسادنا حتى نصل الى الارض بقايا انسان

ولكن لانى بشر
فلا اتعب من المحاولة؟؟؟

ولكن هل انا بشر
ام روح هائمة
--------------------

اسعد دوما بوجودك
واتمنى ان يعجبك البوست الجديد

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

Sweet Mahmoud

walahy enta dayman beterfa3 ma3naweyaty... rabena ye7'alik leya dayman.

i truly dunno what to say
but... my dark side is taking over me, and i dont like that

pray for me mahmoud

about cheerful posts ... well, i wanna continue "road to femininity" it is already written, awaits revision ... u will like it i know :)

have a lovely lovely warm day, as soft and beautiful as cherry blossoms

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

Shimaa Shimaa Shimaa

you sure know how to put a smile on my face:)

this exact quote is a master piece, sum life in one line... i am not sure why i feel the dirt inside, remember the dark sides that we dont usually speak about... i know that you know what i mean... only you fe el a3da el 7elwa dy can

but it is not just about that... it is about seeking perfection... the ideal person... the one raised upon certain principals and strict rules ... rules that made me so tough judging myself, and punish me for the slightest mistake

i think i need a shrink ... someone to tell me that it is ok to make mistakes in life ... that i am a human and not supposed to be a goddess

oh god, common egyptiana, even gods in old myth were mistaken sometimes

what u wanna b ???

mmm strange thought again, this time in my office... i think my inside hunted ... not just the places :)

saba7ek sokar
i really enjoy the spring, with all the beautiful dust and pollin grains :(:( ohhhh my poor sinus

Shimaa Gamal said...

bosy if you found a shrink ask him eza kan haydeena discount 3ashan net3aleg bel gomla :)
It is not ok to make mistakes, it is a must to make mistakes. How would we learn if everything we did were right by the book. I think mistakes are the only reason for the improvement of life on this earth.
Kefaya en A mistake gave us America :)
Everything around us was orginally a mistake. So relax :) Maybe your mistakes will give us a new America :)
Anyway, I am trying to enjoy the spring :) God bless the eyedrops :)

Anonymous said...

Mahmoud
I like Shimaa's idea of 3ilag belgomla with a shrink who would give discounts,
and i like your analysis EG that even god in old myth made mistakes(look at Yahweh he made more mistakes than i did!!!and real bad ones!!!!lol)
seriously now i think shrinks are the best inventions after the telephone, and a shrink on the phone is the ultimate of what life has to bring.
you know i was reading this verse(wa nafs wama sawaha fa2alhamaha fojoraha watqwaha qad afla7 man zakaha wa qad 7'ab man dasaha, i just loved it for the fact god has known what we are made of, he made us after all, he sent his profits for reasons, one of which is to be our shrinks.
egyptiana, shimaa go out girls enjoy the spring, you are just one great pair of beautiful girls.

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

Sweet shimaa

spring is lousy ,,, yes i have to admit it, in despite of the beauty it brings to earth, but... u know :( god bless the nasal drops

thanks for your words dear, and i am glad u analyzed the mistake theory heheheh

well i dont think a shrink will do us good... cause we simply know what we must do, and dont need guidance, we only need to believe in our strength

these are not my words, these are a friend's words

thanks for passing by sweety, and keep writing ... i will try to do the same, though... my book will swallow the majority of my time ...

be well and have a lovely spring :)

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

Mahmoud dear

fist let me wish you a lovely spring , with cherry blossoms

well as i said to shimaa, shrinks are not the answer... believe is!!

be well always and keep in touch dear