October 21, 2005

baby am amazed by you !!

In my case ... the reason for amazement is the degree that he controls everything in me ... my body, soul, mind, heart ... everything ...

I am really amazed by how helpless I become when I am with him ...

I was never like this .. I am always strong ... tough ... hard ... no one can control me specially my wild untamed mind ... except him

Am I happy ??

Well ... romantic wise, people may say ... wow ... this is great .. it is important that the couple has this effect on each other ... but

Reality wise !! this is terrible .. now I know the feeling of the trapped lion ... strong and has his own will, walk in the jungle spreading respect but ... when he is trapped .. he just lose all that and become another big cat in a cage !!!

It is the same .. and that cause me to have a duality .. with others I am strong and taugh and independent ... do what I wanna, and make people do what I wanna ..

But with him ... I do what he wanna ... I am a tamed kitty !! with no will but his will ... with no eyes or ears but his ..

Everytime I try to leave ... he simply pull my collar and I am back ... and that amaze me ... really baby I am amazed by you

I am trapped in love relationship that I cant understand and cant feel ...

What is in a blog

I always wondered what is in a blog!! Specially that I tried so many times to create a blog and couldn't write more than one article or two ..

why people write their diaries and wait for strangers to read and comment on them ??

I couldn't find a good answer for that question ... Except when ...

I started to feel that I have to face myself with everything inside me ...

a blog is my way out to the world .. Without revealing my face ...

a blog is my window inside myself without carrying the burden to be exposed

it is a lot easier to be exposed to a stranger than to someone close ... and I cannot afford that any one I know look inside me ... Why !! Well that is another issue that I will soon write about

so !! Lets blog simply :)

October 20, 2005

rising sun

I am not a sun ... I know that ... but I wanna act like one ... rise and fill my world with a different feeling .. feeling of warmth ... of light ... of beauty

Weakness and hiding was never me ... and cause of them I was about to loose myself completely in the dark stream of anger and failure of judgment ...

Strong and shining as I was always ... strong and decisive as I was always .. I will be again ...

For me ... and all those who depend on me