October 07, 2008

i wonder!!!

I don't feel ok ...

no no.. it is not the being a witch thing :)... change cannot be that fast i suppose.. it is something else .. something that makes me feel abnormal

it is all about a simple question..why do i feel strange and quiet disturbed when i hear words such as :

- you are the only one who make me feel like a real man
- you make me feel complete

- i feel i know all women by only knowing you

- you are all women

- you are a goddess

- a man can never experience a moment of boredom with you

any other woman would fly till the seventh sky hearing those words ... but i dont

such words make me think.. they make me look inside in a trial to search why a man would say such words to a woman... and why despite of all this ... i have never been lucky in a relationship!!

it is not enough to be beautiful... it is not enough to be intelligent... and it is not enough to be passionate, compassionate and kind to succeed in a relationship

god :) i cant believe what i am writing

if all of this is not enough, so what is enough

if i am every woman... if i am that beautiful and intelligent.. if i am that feminine why for god sake why i am a looser!!


it is midnight already... i think i have to stop asking such silly questions and head to bed... tomorrow is going to be the hardest day ever ... first day to work after ramadan
good night my friends ..

and hey ... answer this question: when a man tells a woman "you make me feel like a real man"? and what he really means with that!!

My Strange Idea for Today

i always meet the right person at the very wrong time

immortal is a dead end

October 05, 2008

I dont wanna be a WITCH!!!

my friends..
i curse the day in which i discovered the website "Scribd"... and the day i searched for ancient gods materials ... at the day i found a document that greatly attract my interest... the document title is "freemasonry and the hidden goddess"... the document search in goddess worshiping signs in the images of the Freemasons ... and speaking of a matriarchal societies that once lived in peace.

one thing led to the other, and i find myself reading in Taoism, and its holy book tao te ching... the history of Freemasons... the ancient goddesses... archeological discoveries.. tantra philosophy... sacred sex ... and Wicca

strangely i find most of the texts and principles familiar .. too familiar actually.. they are simply materialize my believes in words .. i believed in many of these things even before i know they exist !!

suddenly my strange ideas started to have a meaning... my flashes started to be meaningful ... the voices i hear are true

i am not delusioned as some may thing .. i have just been reincarnated in the very wrong place, with the very wrong people

in another life i was a priestess...

my problem now is that i dont wanna reveal more of my hidden knowledge to myself ... cause i dont wanna practice those pagan rituals... and different magikal spells

i remember a freind of mine told me that when he started to read about these things he got scared .. so he stopped reading and closed all discussions about this matter... he said that sometimes ignorance is a bless... and he called me crazy for thinking about these things

i dunno how to keep myself from doing so.. i feel as if a black hole is sucking me in


my strange idea for today
i dont wanna be a witch
i dont wanna go back to my old self
i wanna be just normal