January 02, 2024
October 18, 2023
Numb
Sadness
We seek one… we run from one
But too much of any blind the mind
Light
Darkness
We cherish one… we fear one
But too much of any blind the senses
My life has been a roller coaster
A lot is happening… I don't know what I want… I don't know if I am right or wrong… no path to follow… unbalanced
I can’t forgive
I can’t forget
I need peace… I need a resolution
Then suddenly… in the middle of this turmoil… and out of the depth of my Aquarius soul… the feeling of nothing is spreading
Continuous exposure to pain leads to one of Aquarius most glorious traits
Aquarius Numbness
the feeling of empty… emotionally dead… mentally blocked
I am but a moving body with a soul too tired to live
I must find something to fill the void in my head and let me loose the negative thoughts that prey on me
Something that will bring the spark of life into me again
Numbness is good… a thin shield that help me to keep going… but not for long
Too much numbness… burn the little feelings left in me
What am I good at… what path should i follow… what will help me out of this scary ocean in which I keep sinking slowly
What? I need to know
My strange idea for today
I am a sinking log
September 15, 2023
Royal and the Serpent - Overwhelmed - current mood
Turn off the TV it's starting to freak me
Out it's so loud it's like my ears are bleeding
What am I feeling? Can't look at the ceiling
The light is so bright it's like I'm overheating
Out it's so loud it's like my ears are bleeding
What am I feeling? Can't look at the ceiling
The light is so bright it's like I'm overheating
This mind isn't mine, who am I to judge?
Oh, I should be fine but it's all too much
Oh, I should be fine but it's all too much
I get overwhelmed so easily
My anxiety creeps inside of me
Makes it hard to breathe
What's come over me?
Feels like I'm somebody else
My anxiety creeps inside of me
Makes it hard to breathe
What's come over me?
Feels like I'm somebody else
I get overwhelmed so easily
My anxiety keeps me silent
When I try to speak
What's come over me?
Feels like I'm somebody else
I get overwhelmed
My anxiety keeps me silent
When I try to speak
What's come over me?
Feels like I'm somebody else
I get overwhelmed
All of these faces who don't know what space is
And crowds are shut down I'm overstimulated
Nobody gets it, say I'm too sensitive
I can't listen 'cause I'm eyeing the exits
And crowds are shut down I'm overstimulated
Nobody gets it, say I'm too sensitive
I can't listen 'cause I'm eyeing the exits
This mind isn't mine, who am I to judge?
Oh, I should be fine but it's all too much
Oh, I should be fine but it's all too much
I get overwhelmed so easily
My anxiety creeps inside of me
Makes it hard to breathe
What's come over me?
Feels like I'm somebody else
My anxiety creeps inside of me
Makes it hard to breathe
What's come over me?
Feels like I'm somebody else
I get overwhelmed so easily
My anxiety keeps me silent
When I try to speak
What's come over me?
Feels like I'm somebody else
My anxiety keeps me silent
When I try to speak
What's come over me?
Feels like I'm somebody else
I get overwhelmed
(Aah-ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah)
(Aah-ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah)
I should be fine but it's all too much
I should be fine but I'm not
I should be fine but I'm not
My Strange Idea for Today
Sinking in the Void with a song in my head
September 10, 2023
The Toxic Trait
And despite the fact that it is an air sign… the symbol is the water bearer
This contradiction has caused chaos in my life
Dont get me wrong I dont say contradicting things… my words are solid and I hardly change them… but when one is ruled by wind and water… one turns into a hurricane.
Moreover, they call us the alien of the zodiac signs… our unique nature is too strong to be masked by following the common human rules
I noticed that this word never ceases to appear in my life… seems that I am truly an alien who doesn’t belong to her surrounding
But i am not here to speak about my zodiac… I am here because I came across an analysis that mentioned Aquarius worst and most toxic trait… which is… living in the past!!
And as if a revelation of truth dawned upon me… it is true… I linger in the past… I let it roam in my mind… freely leeching off over my present … ruining my future
Every day i recall flashes from the past… prey on my soul… stuff my brain with all good and bad memories alike
When i remember the smell of my mother’s food, and what she use to do when i am sick
When i remember my pain after realizing how horrible my choice of friends is
When i remember how i tried for a long time to find a shelter for my broken heart and fail
When i remember that i allowed myself to be used and abused by almost everyone i know
When i remember that i shouldn’t give up my true self for anything or anyone, and I shouldn’t have chosen the easy path… that i should have tried to reach my dream… and explore the marvelous world inside my mind
I linger in the past… why I still linger in the past
Trapped inside my mind… between I-wish-I-live-that-again and I-wish-I-never-did-that
Trapped and blinded… and at the end of the day i am too exhausted to think about today and tomorrow
Trapped and blinded and mute… for I cannot speak loudly about my past… it will be in vain
Now the million dollar question… how to burry this past… how to live in peace… how can I reapportion all this wasted energy… embracing the present… planing for the future
Unfortunately it is a trait… a significant characteristic that will not go away… all I can do is to try to live with it… distract myself… maybe read and write more… I don’t know… I truly don’t know!
All I know is that I shall linger in the past… till I become a past myself… destiny written and cannot be altered
My strange idea for the day
I need to restart my brain
August 31, 2023
August 12, 2023
Poison
Laying there in my bed… clouds obscuring my thoughts… sipping coffee my mom made… and trying to swallow those oversized pills that carry the healing powers of our modern time
Text here and there… phone call here and there… looking at my blog… but my ideas were scattered inside my brain…
Midday
The bell rang … I didn’t care, I am still in bed
My mother’s voice ringing thru the hall, someone with flowers and a package… he needs your signature
Flowers and a package?
For me?
But how? Why? And from who?
My heart racing with excitement… so do names and faces in my head
I went to the door, and here it was, a big bouquet of beautiful flower and a package waiting for my signature
I signed and checked the card.
It was him… his warm feelings were flowing beyond the few written words… big smile shining on my face… at this moment i could see his strong serious face… choosing carefully his words and write them down… knowing that i will feel and understand what was beyond them
My phone ringing and it was his voice… his warm assuring voice… wishing me well… and wishing that i would like the gift
The gift… i forgot about that… taken by the beauty of the flowers and the warmth of his words
I opened the gift and it was a bottle of perfume
A plump blackish purple bottle… with one word… Poison
This is a story from a faraway past… and I dunno why I remembered it
But when I did… I realized the hidden meaning behind the choice of this perfume
Poison he called me
And poison I was for him
Poison that he was and wasn’t afraid of
Part of him was aching to take it… and another was trying to pull him away from its lethal impact
Poison… he called me
Poison… I am
Poison… am I?
I pulled him beyond the gates of the unknown… of the ordinary… of the real everyday life
I was a ghost… a shadow… a dream
With me… He was experiencing feelings that were new… beautiful and magical
With me… he was discovering another face of himself… a face he didn’t even thought it existed
With me… he indulged in thoughts that are beyond his everyday life, and his solid position in the society
He wanted this world… My world… a world of magic and beautiful fantasy
His attraction was increasing everyday… he was knee deep in this endless ocean of mysteries… and with every passing moment.. the feeling was rooted more and more inside the desert of his soul… spreading like a mysterious tree… nourishing and shading his weary self
He called me poison… the thought of me was taking over him… pull him away from his life… disturbing the sacred routine and peace
He called me poison … but not all poison kills
Poison is also healing
I was his poison … poison to his everyday ordinary life… and healer of his yearning soul to my unknown world
Poison… he called me
Poison… I am
Poison… am I?
My not so Strange Idea of the Day
With age comes wisdom… and insight
And now I know what it means to be called .. Poison
August 03, 2023
The Fallen Angel
The world mysteries are ancient as time itself, dark and shocking… and sometimes my mind can’t grasp the idea behind some of them.
Yesterday i slept a human, a basic everyday human, do all what humans do, and feel all what humans feel, human indeed or that’s what i thought.
Today i woke up a descendant of fallen angels, but with no wings to fly me away home, no superpower to change enforce my will, no insight into the unknown obscure future.
A descendant with no trace of my ancient ancestors but a mysterious blood type … that’s rare and unusual… and has puzzled scientist about its origins.
Rhesus Negative … the Alien Blood … laugh at the face of humanity and tell them there is more than just them living in the universe… and what we ignore is much more than what we know
The theory is based on biblical text, speaking of a superior race - The Nephilim race - who fell from heaven, the sons of God who lusted the mortal women of earth… they mated with them, and a new hybrid is created with an unusual blood type.
But what interested me in all of this is how we are described… they say we are different, our perception of things is different, our psychic ability is different, our sensitivity to the external world is different… many claimed they feel alienated in their surrounding, and long for a place they call home and don’t know where it is.
Some say it is the mark of witches, the descendants of demons, the aliens who visited earth a long time ago
But i say i am just different… and to be different is not easy… the everyday struggle is exhausting… i had to teach myself how to live and cherish my difference, and carry it proudly wherever i go
It is 3am in the morning, and i started to feel my wings spreading… ready to fly me toward the unknown
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