November 18, 2014

Back .. Maybe

Since April 18th 2011, I didnt write a single word in my precious blog ..
I occasionally find some comments from ANONYMOUS who i think i vaguely know who they are!! 
I reply
then I forget

one of the comments was a question... why did you stop writing??
this question pierced my heart ... deep .. and hard

for me writing was life... i lived within my words .. my dreams .. my ultimate imagination... and suddenly i stopped .. i vanished from the world i created upon this rare pinkish cloud in the world of ghosts ..

why did you stop writing ...
O! Anonymous ... how those words burned my soul and brought cold tears to my eyes 

for me writing was life ... i built a world .. a world of my own .. ruled by my wild dreams .. a world i loved .. and embrassed .. 

from my pinkish cloud  .. i was watching the real world .. sometimes laughing .. sometimes crying ... sometimes happy with my life as it is .. and sometimes envious.

thought i am immune to love .. to life and happiness ... high above all other skies .. in a world that no one can reach without my permission... but.. one day.. i heard a call... it enchanted me to the extent of leaving my own world and dive down to earth .. to normal life ..

one day after the other .. i sink more and more ... and my pinkish cloud in the world of ghost became nothing but a memory

but i have to admit... it was my own choice ..
i chose to be normal.. to live the experience.. to taste the sweetness of love and the craziness of motherhood... i miss writing .. and wish i have time in between my wild scheduel of endless to do's... but this time i am planing for something big.. a book ..

a book about stories .. maybe a long one .. or a bunch of short ones.. maybe in english or arabic .. maybe fairytale like or reality like... i am still deciding .. just have one hope .. that i can make it

My strange idea for today
watching cartoon while blogging is quiet disturbing 

Why did you stop writing

An anonymous sent me a message in time that I don't know
He was asking... Wondering...
Why did you stop writing

I discovered this message by mere coincidence... As much as it brighten me to know that someone is still reading me  ... As much as it lefts me gloomy and unable to think but in this question

Why did i stop writing

Well...It is complicated

I have always denied my unique nature.. My dreamy self.. My magical being
Always dreamed of a simple peaceful normal life

God was generous enough to grant me my wish... But nothing is free my friend... I had to pay dearly... I had to sacrifice my old self... Give up what use to make me ... Me ...

And here i am
A wife
A mother
A simple normal housewife
A dream that came true

Overwhelmed... Taken... Devoured by life .. Simple life.. Normal life... Routine life
Don't get me wrong my friend... I am happy

After a long miserable ill secure disturbed life... I found happiness ..peace.. And security

Ohh but
I am a human
I miss mystical me... The land of magic and mysteries in which i lived once.. The songs of the nature ... My pinky cloud in the world of ghosts and magic

Now i am trying ... But barriers and obstacles and chains are pushing me away... All what i can now iss to wish and hope and pray .. That one day... Maybee one day... I ll visit my old land again

My strange idea of the day
I am a human being ..