I have Nothing
I own Nothing
I reached Nothing
I am Nothing
my days are eaten, munched slowly, devoured continuously
between this and that I have to run... forgetting all about me, and my dreams, and my tomorrows
live day by day.. with no plans or visions
suddenly I took a moment and looked around... questions poured inside my head like torrential rain
where am I?
What am I doing?
when I ll be me?
what is wrong with me?
Still frozen in a current status?
itching to fulfill something but why cant you do it?
how did I use my days?
for a long time, I kept losing little pieces of myself.. comply.. accept.. suck it up.. and the demons I thought they are gone, grew bigger and fiercer, and new ones joined
I spend my time fighting myself, fighting life, fighting for life... I spend my time running in the wheel for others.. always for others
and now the white hair is invading my head, winning in a cold creeping war... I looked around... and for a moment i realized
I am nothing
I have nothing
I am nothing
I own nothing
I am nothing
I reached nothing
on the verge of despair I stand
the pit of fire is ready for me
burning whatever is left of me... ashes dispersed far and wide
The silence is so loud... and before the last of me is gone I hear it ringing in my head
I am nothing
I have nothing
I own nothing
I reached nothing
My strange idea for today
nothing can save me from the nothing i become
29 comments:
E.G. you are somebody beautiful you just don't know it and you are something of high intellect take my word for it,
I share your sentiment and pray for our friend who mysteriously disappeared can't wait to see more of the Anonymous who became an essential part of this trilogy.
Happy new year my dear friends,
wishing you a warm and cozy evening filled with joy and love..🌹
How is Ramadan?!
Dear E.G. I'm truly sorry to hear that,
You seem to be a well meaning but overly dreamy and that can be devastating to oneself,
often times what we hope, dream and build in our inner imagination lacks the solid foundation of reality therefore it is easy to lose since it was not there to begin with.
my hope that your loses is only material and I hope and pray for you not to lose yourself.
my sincere wish that you will recover and go on with your life.
Dear Anonymous,
your words are eye opening... i feel like i am living in a big bubble of delusions about myself and my surrounding
I think i have lost the sense of reality.. and clouded my mind with misery and self pity.. i dont see myself anymore even when i look in the mirror... i feel like i look at myself from the outside and i am living a life that is not mine.. i dont know how to set myself free and how for once again be me
I hope it is not that bleak, life is not all roses and silk roads, being realistic for a start can help, dreaming about what it could have been or should have been is mere illusion, what we think what would have been the source of happiness in the past dreams, puppy love etc. is not real because all things will break by the waves of life.
now set up and look out the window, smile and cheer up.
Dear Egyptiana,
I hope that you find a bit of condolences in the wise words of our mate Anonymous, praying for you that this hard time will pass and restore your faith in yourself and life alike...
Anonymous, missed our chat mate be safe, wish you both peace!
مش معقول ،
Welcome back ,
You have been missed, please don’t disappear again.
:) Thanks mate, I really missed you too but believe me when I tell you this I was in the Abyss totally isolated from the whole world and suddenly GOD's hand pulled me and I'm so grateful because I was not saying any light in the end of the tunnel but miracles do happens!
I’m glad you are back and hopefully out of the Abyss once and for all,
Believe me when I say there is a bond here even though we have never met and if you ever need to shed light and share I will be here .
Thanks mate, I feel exactly the same.
P.S. couple of typos occurred * Seeing * From
Have a lovely week :)
Dear Anonymous who call me E.G
you speak arabic? that's new ..
you too from Egypt.. of course مش معقول is nothing but egyptian
good to know a tiny bit about you :)
my husband always say Doers are better than thinkers... those who live in the realm of thoughts and ideas and indulge in what should have been and so on are the losers
and i am a loser
but my problem is deeper than that ... it is not just the self pity and all the things that i missed and could have done... it is also what happened and how i cannot let go of all the pain, disappointments, betrayal, and abuse i have been through
i am locked inside my grief... i am so alone... and i don't know how to be ok ... there is no way out for me
lately i started to think that this corner of strange ideas is my window to peace, so i decided to linger here more and let out all what is unspoken..
maybe it will help me to calm my panic and anxiety... and maybe one day i will learn how to be ok
Dear Anonymous who call me Egyptiana,
So Happy to have you back... and i second our friend anonymous about the bond created in this little corner between what seem to be strangers, yet closer to each other than most
come rest here, throw your burden and leave... but never disappear... this corner was created mainly for this reason
pray for me my friend... since the date of this post and things are getting harder ... i just need peace ... it is not too much to ask
i think to reach peace i need to face my fears and let out my true opinion about things... not just dismiss it and bury it inside ... this never solved a problem... to the contrary... they grew bigger and devour one's soul slowly
facing demons !!!!
Yes indeed, Arabic is not only my language it’s my beloved one,
as for you dear E.G you must let go, regret and sorrow never an answer to life misfortunes but okay every now and then.
Wishing you sincerely peace and tranquility my dear,
Look at the bright side our third musketeer is back .
Cheers
Dear Egyptiana,
I am overwhelmed by your and Anonymous sincere and true feelings and wouldn't agree more about the bond created in this warm and poetic corner of yours.
Well I must say that I agree and disagree with your hubby sure doing is always a great thing but that doesn't mean that thinking matter over thoroughly, assessing a situation, weighing options makes you a loser!! On the contrary its makes a intellectual person who never takes anything for granted that's my two cents.
I definitely needs a rest but I'm afraid that won't happen soon till all things sorts out as I mentioned before rain drops started to falls on my head and I'm crossing my fingers it keeps on raining as I do love the rain despite the fact that we are reaching the summer season but its a mere metaphor :)
Praying for you always my friend that things gets easier for you and beloved ones and have the peace that you definitely deserve...
Sure do facing your fears is the right thing to do let alone conquering your demons put your faith in GOD and trust in the light as it will absorbs any darkness.
Dear Egyptiana & Anonymous,
Well during my solitude days where I was hitting rock and needed what we call a bit of a tearjerker drama I discovered a hidden gem a South Korean drama adaptation of the famous novel "Gone With the Wind" its titled " My Dearest" if you didn't watch it please do its bit lengthy episodes :) BTW South Korea is making history in Cinema & TV series in several genres if can get through the language barrier you will be amazed by the craft and skills in all aspects starting from screenwriting, cinematography, directing, music score and acting superb.
Try to give a shot https://www.imdb.com/title/tt26228190/
P.S. Make sure to have a pack of handkerchief beside you cause its a real tearjerker and misery loves company in the voice of dear Egyptiana
mmm Dear Anonymous the second:) thank you for the tip,
I'm into The God Father type of movies and with the current rate of inflation handkerchiefs and tissues are fairly expensive:)
:) Most welcome! But actually My Dearest is a TV series :) hahaha that a nice one mmm well The God Father is unbeatable they don't make such Art anymore but you can give One Upon Time in America a shot and there are plenty of series with gangster themes now streaming Mob Land starring Tom Hardy its superb!
:) you know alot about movies:)
actually my admiration for the God Father trio stems not from gangsters and Mob but rather from the human aspect even in the most ruthless of hearts, the discrepancy and paradox of how values being upheld and families interconnection extremes of love and betrayal, I can go on and on...
welcome back seriously..
E.G. what do you think?!
Forgot to mention I did see once upon a time in America, one movie I also recommend Pulp fiction, the Almost romantic movie Dangerous Liaison and the great Gatsby..
You are now now talking about true classics watched them all and many more ;) well true that the main moral and controlling idea about the God Father and obviously its several characters journeys my favorite is Michael's arch and his tremendous love for his father Vito other characters are great too but always loved Michael. I pretend part III doesn't exists long time passed between the amazing part II in 1974 and frankly speaking Sofia Coppola was poor choice amazing director and screenwriter but Not actress!
It seems our dear Egyptiana aka Milady returned back to her cocoon :( Hope she is ok
Oooh Anonymous:)
You bring back fond memories, I use to think I was Michael and impersonate Michael Corleone:)
Me too : Specially the way he sits ;) "That' not me Kay, that's my family!" "Fredo, you're my older brother, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the Family again. Ever." And the memorable quotes goes on and on endlessly...
Fredo you broke my heart. don't do anything to him until mother dies Powerful emotions..
every time I think I'm out they pull me back in:)
wow:)
Just as we starting of have a momentum to give this special corner a little push our dear Milady vanished into thin air hmmm hope she is ok!
I’m waiting for the Sun to rise and shine .
Come on E.G.
My Dearest Anonymouses who calls me EG and Milady
I am here... still alive
I am fond of the godfather and always think it is one of the best ever, one and two only, although i am not so much into gang movies but i saw a good bunch... casino, good fellas, the irishman, sopranos, and breaking bad.
i dont like michael ... he is brutal.. but sometimes i feel that he needed to... his dad was weakened and his brother dead... how to protect the family then?
my favorite part is the 2nd.. as i appreciate so much vito, and it was so interesting to see his beginnings
sorry i disappear sometimes, life is not kind to me
and although i promised myself that whenever something happened i will come and spill it out and let it evaporate... i just cant... and surrender to panic and anxiety
what happened to life? why everything has to be so complicated ? and above all.. what happened to us
but that's a story for another time
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