Trapped in my Own Self

What I will say is strange but it is true … myself is setting me up …

what is myself … is it me … or some kind of divine voices that indirectly show me the path when I am lost … can I say it is divine .. I guess yes cause always things go wrong when myself is away … but sometimes voices are evil .. lead me to fake understanding .. it is all about shadows, shadows of moments I lived coming back to me, talking to me ... some are good some are bad … but memories doesn’t talk, they flash in my mind showing me the true face that I missed when I was living them … so they are showing me the path but in a visual way … oh ! but sometimes they are made specially to blind me from seeing what I should see … I want to get out of this loop .. what am I … from what I was made … my mind is in ceaseless circling …

I am trapped in my own self and can’t get out … even the way is blurred and I can’t see anymore … I raise my hand to the sky waiting for the answer of the hidden question about the truth of me and my existence

***Dark Me***

Reflection of Mathematics 2 - when 10 meets 1

when --(10)-- meets --(1)-- the effect depends on how they will both meet, and what is the surrounding environment ... will they add to each other, or take from each other ...

why --(10)-- ?! why --(1)--??!
two extremes in my opinion, standing at the end of the basic numbers line ... separated by many things ...

mapping this fact a man --(10)-- meets a woman --(1)-- , two extreme physically and mentally, each carry the heritage of thousands of years, the superior man, deep in his mind look at a woman as a weak creature that has no right but follow his wishes ... and a woman who think that she is standing alone with unique thinking that was never appreciated by the man ...


such thoughts are planted in the human minds ... it is the base of the relationship between the two ... even if they don’t admit it ... a gesture or a simple word will let it all out, and then division in the being created from both of them start to spread cutting a peace after another ...

back to calculations ...

10+1 = 11 ...
when a man add a woman to his life, he promises with leading the beautiful union to a better life, a life that is too sweet like chocolates and even better .. a life that worth be lived and fight for ...


but the question that I always ask to myself based on my readings in the human behavior .. is he really lead the union to better life ... or need a follower and some kind of companion ... or maybe need someone to back him up and protect his existence from the sinful, violent world ?!!

modern men --(a fact in my society in a famous middle-eastern country)-- when put plans for marriage, the want both a follower and a body guard ... he looks for a woman that can do many roles at the same time, a mix of a mother and a sister (who in my country serve the her male brother), a wife, and even a concubine ... unfortunately most women doesn’t really have this complex way of thinking, when they get engaged the only idea in their mind is to live an enchanting feeling of a princess who will be taken by the handsome prince to live in a beautiful castle forever, and will be taken care off ... but the truth is she is considered as the back of her man,the one who take all the hits ,,, to protect his sacred being, and cover his weakness and sense of ir-responsibility

simple mathematics show this fact ... observe the position of the added one ... it take the place of the zero .. fill it with a concrete existence .. standing behind the other one who look always to the front and never look back to the feelings of the other whose attention is focused always on him


someone told me once ... a woman is only apart of a man's life, but a man is everything in a woman's life ... true .. even simple mathematics proves it .. :)

10-1=9
the effect of human complexity is fatal ... relationships are like butterfly wings, once they are touched they never be the same, they diminish to death ...
the hardest thing is the moments of separation two existences, become one ... then brutally separated by evil forces that haunt the innocent dream and fill the space between them with hatred and agony...

when one leave it takes a piece of the other ... a piece that is made of lived moments, laughs and cries, pleasure and pain, problems and happy times ... all this fade away leaving a deformed being that lost what make it .. it both were consumed badly cause of planted selfish feelings ... but ... and there is no point in placing the blame ... isn’t it enough that it is over ??!!

Drops of memories

--(11)-- I am backing you up .. am blindly devoted to you .. all what I wish ... to look at me from time to time .. and feel what I suffer from your un-true existence ...

***Dark Me***

Reflections of Mathematics

What are the results of -----(1+1)----- and -----(1-1)-----

Easy question ...Right !!! ...

Well my advice is to think again about your answer

still insisting !!

ok :)

it is my turn now to answer this mysterious question and ........ Surprise you :)

After many calculations, and deep thoughts the result is :

1+1 = 1 & 1-1=1

don't be surprised .... I sure have a point ... A point that carries reflections of mathematics mixed with senses of being a human with a complex set of feelings and endless drops of memories ...

(1+1=1)----- how two become one

the magical potion of life can make this true, love is the name ... when two souls are united, and ready to reach high skies, fall in deep seas, destroy the impossible for just a smile ... only then one added to one become only one and not at all two

(1+1=1)----- how two become one

winds of human complexity can sink the sailing ships of eternal vows : together forever: .....

but ... the question is are we really together ??!! or just moving shadows in the same place, where each is hiding in their inner caves ... what does one add to the other ??!! it is not as it used to be ... feeling of loneliness spread like cancer leaving deeper cuts every day than the other in the sacred body of the relationship ... feeling lonely even when one is added to one ... and the one remain only one ... and that is how two become one ...

(1-1=1)----- how one remains one

According to traditional mathematics if one is substrates by one the result will be --(zero)-- ... and although --(zero)-- is a value of great importance in mathematics, but .... we can never deny the fact that --(zero)-- is nothing ...

The question now is that can all the glorious being of a human Diminish to be zero just because the other one is not around anymore ...

• Physical wise .. No the one will always remain one

• Soul/heart wise .. and it is what we are interested about ... Can be both yes and no

yes: the one diminish to zero cause the absence of the other one ... with who dreams were shared ... lands of pleasure and love were conquered ... blossoms of beauty and senses of sun and moon were felt .. Building a new being that is consumed when one is absent

But.. and there is always but ... that is the traditional school of mathematic point of view that doesnt actually comply with the laws of life ...

No : one substrates by one will not give zero ... it will give one ... a standing one ... a fighting one... stand and fight the darkness and loneliness... and become one again ... maybe need to stand a while over the hills of what was once beautiful dreams ... recalling the taste of what the two shared , licking drops of memories falling from the weary mind, but never diminish ... and never fall to the dark zero ... always one .. a standing one .. a fighting one .. and that is how when one substrates from the life of one ... the one remains only one ...

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drops of memories ...

Things always depend on how we look at them ... for me ... being added to one .. or subtracted from one .. will always make me one .. i am lonely when he is not here ... and i am lonely when he is here ... but what i know is that I will always be one .. Standing and fighting with heart made of rocks of pain and anger ..

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***Dark me***