July 15, 2009

Reality Vs My Stubborn Mind

I woke up this morning with a feeling that i have neutralized a long time ago ..

neutralized out of my increasing sense of reality .. i didn't chose to grow up .. as a Friend of mine told me the past week .. i am just overwhelmed with loads of critical events that take place in my life.

back to the feeling

i have always been complaining that i don't have a definite feeling of reality .. nor a definite feeling of a world of my own creation... i am in between

for a while i sunk my mind in that sweet soft world of mine .. my master piece of all time ... a world of my own creation .. where i live, breath, feel, love... and it did me really well .. i became the woman i wish .. and all my feelings poured out of my mind in the form of stories that enchanted others

and then reality struck me with cold winds of duty .. so i have to pack and leave my world ... but with a promise to be back once in a while .. and it happened .. every now and then .. i go visit my other life .. live for a while .. then go back to reality .. until

reality consumed my time and mind .. and i lost all contact with my world

i was confused .. but i adapted fast .. for i didn't had the luxury to lay down and think ... i have only one path ... act and never react .. others fate was hanged in my neck .. so i have to move .. and put back my armor, sword and shield .. call for all my forces .. and fight for the good of others and myself

weary of fights ..

longing for my true self ... an enchantress from other time

but blinded with duty .. deafened with calls of help

so i had to keep fighting mercilessly, fiercely, and fearlessly

until yesterday....

i felt it coming, but didn't believe it ... after all this time .. the gates of my world are open again .. glowing under the morning soft rays of lights ..

i slept and woke up

not knowing where i am

not knowing who i am

try to figure out

do things out of habit .. not out of realization

i feel my world again

i listen to the angelic music .. even the devilish cries of shadows beneath earth

i smell the flowers of the spring .. and even the blood of the fights between good and evil

i hear the melodies of harps played by nymphs of forests ... and even the clings of verocious swords searching for blood

i touch the soft warm clouds with my pinkish toes .. and even the hard rocks beneath the stream of the river

i am back


not fully

still on the edge of two worlds

back again to point zero

my stubborn dreamy mind is pushing me away from reality

and reality is pulling me under calls of duty

to which i will bend ... to which i will belong ... in this critical time ?

My Strange Idea for Today

Defensive Mechanism .. The Runaway ME

1 comment:

karim said...

hello lady, i thhink u belong for both cases, because they are yours and your life that u live it , u have go on to your life .