Finding oneself

Simple Pleasures of Life

It doesn't have to be fancy
It doesn't have to be complicated
It only needs to be real ... to be one of the simple pleasures of life

Someone told me don't wait to reach perfect happiness ... cause you will not ... no matter how hard you work ... no matter how long you go ... you will not reach what humans call ... HAPPINESS

Life is not about happiness ... it is about living good ... and enjoy every day as it is ... and every simple pleasure that comes your way ... after sometimes they will accumulate ... build a fortress of pinkish positive lovely energy ... only then you will feel nourished .. you will feel HAPPY 

a cup of tea with a loved one 
a movie you like
a restaurant you have a memory in
a special night
moon light 
a word

Enjoy one thing at a time
Enjoy one thing every day
Enjoy the simple pleasures of life

My strange Idea of Today: 

Enjoy ... for REAL

Thinking of you ...

لينا شماميان - بالي معاك: http://youtu.be/M8Kn9b5l2io

Remember

Josh Groban ~ "Remember" Troy 2004 Offical Music …: http://youtu.be/3yy6SIzq8Mc

It Says Everything

Where are my words

Searching inside my mind ... in the closed doors of my soul ... searching with hope sometimes ... and desperation most of the time.

Where are my words ... Where is my world ... Where is myself ... My dreams and hopes and endless thoughts. 

I am dissolved ... melted ... disappeared ... I am deformed ... or maybe reformed. 

I am myself but never me ... deep inside me ... secret dreamy me ... enchantress me ... The witch with the golden eyes. 

There is a lot that i want to draw with words ... but there is something that keeps me from sinking myself in a world of  my own creation ... anchored ... captivated. 

I love my life .. it has all the love and peace you can imagine ... but lacks something ... something that use to feed me ... and make me flourish. 

It lacks magic ... that spark of the unusual ... that touch of the unknown ... those stories i lived and breathed .. this world i created ... where all this has gone ... why i cant reach it anymore .. why i cant find the door ... what is keeping me ?

Life is too REAL

My strange idea for today: 

Witch and proud

I Moved

New blog about my everyday stories

Surviving Ms ... Marriage, Motherhood, and More

Read Me ... Thanks

Back .. Maybe

Since April 18th 2011, I didnt write a single word in my precious blog ..

I occasionally find some comments from ANONYMOUS who i think i vaguely know who they are!! 

I reply

then I forget

one of the comments was a question... why did you stop writing??

this question pierced my heart ... deep .. and hard

for me writing was life... i lived within my words .. my dreams .. my ultimate imagination... and suddenly i stopped .. i vanished from the world i created upon this rare pinkish cloud in the world of ghosts ..

why did you stop writing ...

O! Anonymous ... how those words burned my soul and brought cold tears to my eyes 

for me writing was life ... i built a world .. a world of my own .. ruled by my wild dreams .. a world i loved .. and embrassed .. 

from my pinkish cloud  .. i was watching the real world .. sometimes laughing .. sometimes crying ... sometimes happy with my life as it is .. and sometimes envious.

thought i am immune to love .. to life and happiness ... high above all other skies .. in a world that no one can reach without my permission... but.. one day.. i heard a call... it enchanted me to the extent of leaving my own world and dive down to earth .. to normal life ..

one day after the other .. i sink more and more ... and my pinkish cloud in the world of ghost became nothing but a memory

but i have to admit... it was my own choice ..
i chose to be normal.. to live the experience.. to taste the sweetness of love and the craziness of motherhood... i miss writing .. and wish i have time in between my wild scheduel of endless to do's... but this time i am planing for something big.. a book ..

a book about stories .. maybe a long one .. or a bunch of short ones.. maybe in english or arabic .. maybe fairytale like or reality like... i am still deciding .. just have one hope .. that i can make it

My strange idea for today

watching cartoon while blogging is quiet disturbing 

Why did you stop writing

An anonymous sent me a message in time that I don't know

He was asking... Wondering...

Why did you stop writing

I discovered this message by mere coincidence... As much as it brighten me to know that someone is still reading me  ... As much as it lefts me gloomy and unable to think but in this question

Why did i stop writing

Well...It is complicated

I have always denied my unique nature.. My dreamy self.. My magical being

Always dreamed of a simple peaceful normal life

God was generous enough to grant me my wish... But nothing is free my friend... I had to pay dearly... I had to sacrifice my old self... Give up what use to make me ... Me ...

And here i am

A wife
A mother
A simple normal housewife
A dream that came true

Overwhelmed... Taken... Devoured by life .. Simple life.. Normal life... Routine life

Don't get me wrong my friend... I am happy

After a long miserable ill secure disturbed life... I found happiness ..peace.. And security

But

Ohh but
I am a human
I miss mystical me... The land of magic and mysteries in which i lived once.. The songs of the nature ... My pinky cloud in the world of ghosts and magic

Now i am trying ... But barriers and obstacles and chains are pushing me away... All what i can now iss to wish and hope and pray .. That one day... Maybee one day... I ll visit my old land again

My strange idea of the day

I am a human being ..

Welcoming Spring

I always had a certain weakness towards Spring

Its the revival season .. in which the earth go young again .. and all creatures celebrates with a fertility rituals

Mating

Dancing

Joying

Singing

Blooming

I decided to celebrate myself .. bought a BASIL plant ..

Generally ... to add some green to my life

Symbolically .. to revive my weary self .. and help me to face the sun again

Spiritually .. it is a Holy Basil worshiped by the hindu .. it represents represents purity, serenity, harmony, luck, happiness and good health.

Promise to my plant ... i will love and cherish you always

My Strange Idea for Today

I MUST find spiritual symbols in everything

I Transform

"Nature is in a constant state of transformation" - sophie's world (p33)

so do we !!

so do everything .. and everyone around

I changed .. a great part of me

some qualities were lost forever in the endless darkness of the oceans

some qualities were acquired .. but not all are angelic ..

and some were haunted for .. adaptation is a necessity

Everyday i look in the mirror to find a change .. slight .. but exist

a hair is whitening

a wrinkle is crawling on the side of myface

a sight of confidence is increasing

a heart beat of fear is Sneaking to the usual rythm of my heart

I TRANSFORM

Even my dreams ... my thoughts ... the way i look to things

depressing?

sometimes .. i miss me .. the ignorant young girl who is still taking her first steps in life

sometimes .. i hate me .. the clumsy who hardly listens to anybody ... want only to do what she wanna ... without rational thoughts about the consequences

I TRANSFORM

even my words ... my interests ... even the way i embrass things

encouraging??

sometimes .. i love the change .. i love what i gained .. the high level of tolerence .. the rationality of thinking .. the wisdom

sometimes .. i hate it .. for i cant enjoy the crazy pleasures of life

TRANSFORMATION

is what we are going through

physically .. mentally .. spiritually

but if there is only one fact in this change .. i fear more of tomorrow .. the dragon heart that use to beat once inside me .. is soften ..

heart ache i feel

My Strange Idea for Today

we dont use well our time .. we only keep spilling it

WHO ARE YOU ?!

I spent all my life trying to answer this question .. trying to identify my identity .. my true identity that's full of conflicts .. of possible normal things .. of impossible freaky things .. of ME .. Real ME .. TRUE ME

Am not the one who goes to work at 8 am and spend long boring hours till 4 pm

Am not the one who stands in the street with a blank mind waiting for transportation

Am not the one who spends her time wondering on facebook from one game to the other to kill time and spell its pure blood on the floors of history

Am not the one who cannot concentrates while reading something mysterious without embrassing it and feel its mystical power flow inside my veins .. triggering my mind

Am not the one with no dreams .. no thoughts .. no imagination

I am other

Finding my true self took me ages of wander .. thru worlds beyound ordinary minds

Finding my identity ... is freedom

I am WATER ... that contains all human bodies and wash away their pain and anger .. release their fake self and turn them back to who they really are

I am WIND ... that travels between worlds we dont even know they exist .. absorbing knowledge and spread it everywhere

I am EARTH ... whose fertility give birth to a whole world full of wonders

I am FIRE ... that burns with anger all enemies .. yet warm my beloved one .. welcome him .. and embrass him

Am the universe itself .. a wonder in my creation by the ultimate creator

who am i ?

I am that girl who enjoys simple pleasures of life .. like walking bare foot on the green dewed grass .. and the smell of the fresh waves bringing me news from afar

I am that witch who can enchant living creatures with spells made of spices.. milk .. and honey

I am that warrior who defend her beloved ones with her soul .. and sword

I am a woman .. the bringer of life .. and the giver of love

I am a woman .. the mysterious .. the soft .. the beautiful .. the wild

I am a woman .. the armor from fears .. the chaser of pain

This is me

The absolute fact .. a woman who is living and giving and iteracting with the universe and embrace its secrets

and You !!!

My Strange Idea of Today

Do you really Know Who You Are?!!

My Life in Pink

NEW Life

NEW Phase

NEW Me

Welcoming my NEW BLOG

My Life in Pink

قراءات من زمن فات: بجماليون توفيق الحكيم

قراءة فى بجماليون توفيق الحكيم على بلوجايتى الفيسبوكبه

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=114503965276955&topic=50

Art of Relaxation: my Receipe to Get out of the Blues

How 15 consecutive days of hard times and problems will leave me?!?!?!

Completely not myself

Soaked with negative energy

Anger was flowing in my veins

Poisoning my blood
Polluting my brain cells

I was breathing the dust of loss and sorrow

That day ... I woke up with a grey feeling ..

With a need to push away the dark clouds shadowing my mind.. purif my inner self .. and relax

and an urge to merge with nature with a touch of ancient rituals

I sat in my living room... switched off the light .. closed my lovely floral curtains and sat on the relaxing couch

all what i needed is a shade of light ... coloring my walls

silently i started to prepare my spiritual relaxing ambiance... beginning with:

Floral scented candles .. spreading the smell of ancient gardens .. fill the small space with pure white light .. hunting down the negative spirits that invaded my mind and soul... creating a protective aura ... surrounding my mortal being

Then put a candle in the semi transparent Salt Lamp ... breathing as if it was alive .. erupting with showers of negative ions in the space of my room ..neutralizing the surrounding air... sending a warm feeling to my body and soul .. rejuvenating my brain cells

Lilac Incense in the center.. the ascending smoke twirls in front of my eyes .. drawing scenes of magical worlds .. war .. love .. monsters hunted by knights .. and in the corner shows a pinkish cloud .. with a crystal palace.. in which i lived for long nights and days

Spiritual Relaxing Music in the background... nurturing my weary soul... inspiring me... wash my inside with soft waves of melodies... one wave after the other... pulling the poisonous reality away from me.. into deep dark seas of endless magical stories

and to complete the feeling of ecstasy.. i fixed myself a cup of Raspberry flavored Tea.. in my special china.. slowly sipping one rich portion after the other.. feeling the hot sacred liquid vanquishing the thirst of my dry spirit

I was reaching a spiritual climax

Filling my senses .. one after the other..

Visioning magical worlds

Hearing music from heaven

Smelling ancient wisdom

Tasting peace and balance

Feeling relaxed and numb

I felt as if i am in a beautiful forest ... bathing in sunlight ... flying inside a clear stream ... filled with songs of angels and sacred sparrows

I felt as if i am laying on the morning dewed grass .. watching cottony clouds racing aimlessly.. and laughers of nymphs rising from no where

I felt a volcano of love erupting inside me... and a need to fall in my husbands arms ... kissing his soft lips lovingly ... closing my eyes .. hearing his heart beats that increasingly call my name

I was gaining myself back ... my true me .. and from that day on .. i decided to write again

It now became a habit ... every free morning .. I create my little world .. and Dream

My Strange Idea for Today

I am a Goddess

Digital ID and The Kind Hacker

I believe in the digital world

I believe that a part of us is living in this world .. in homes made of binary codes and scripts ... walking in complicated networked streets ... feed on the endless data flows of the internet

I believe that each one of us has a Digital ID... including our mails.. social networks accounts.. blogs.. subscriptions.. ect

how does it feel to loose all of that in ONLY two days ??!!

I lived a nightmare ... starting from Monday Nov. 1st

my mails started to fall ... one after the other... my facebook accounts... and finally the most disasterous of all ... my google account ... containing my blogs ... my gmail ...and my docs

I lost all of that ... I lost digital me ... my digital home ... my digital family ... my digital friends ... my digital memories ... my words ... my feelings

I felt lost .. empty .. strange

as if I am swiming in a vast ocean of zeros and ones without a shore

as if I am walking in a big city of data and information .. homeless

as if I am alienated .. banished .. exiled .. nameless

i had a trauma for the days after .. was afraid of touching a computer

Praying for a savior .. a super hero .. a man who fears no system or DB .. a man who can conquer the wild hidden lands of the digital world

sitting in my bed ... eyes sealed to the ceiling ..

UNTIL

it was blinded with the shining armor of the hero .. the knight .. the savior .. my Husband

in despite of the fact that he is a doctor .. but he has been into computers and networks since its dark ages

he drew his laptop .. gathered all his digital forces .. jumped in the dark alleys of the internet .. to get me back my digital identity .. to wash away the tears of his princess ... and draw a smile over her face again

two days of continuous work .. and progress was 60% ... gaining authority again over my google account, a facebook account, and an e-mail

UNTIL

Thursday night ..

routinely cheeking my gmail .. a message in the form of a comment ...

from THE HACKER

apologizing .. giving a key word to gain back the remaining of the mails and facebooks ... claimig it was a mistake .. promising it was not misused

it cant be by mistake or coincidence that all my blogs .. facebooks .. e-mails has been hacked

ME ... SPECIFICALLY

I have no clue about this persons purposes .. drivers .. reasons

all what i know is that i lived a bad week .. with minimum hope to gain my digital self back

AND HOW DO I FEEL NOW

a strange mix between anger and happiness

after all: with 0% loss ... am 100% lucky winner

but i believe in signs .. no coincidence .. no luck in here .. there are lessons to be learned .. and messages between the lines:

- to better use my digital existence ...

- to take care of digital security matters

- to write again

- never use personal accounts but through my own secured computer

For 10 Years of my digital life... i have never gone through such a situation ... here i am ...learned the hard way

Be Grateful ... Never take anything lightly ... for granted

even if it was a Digital Identity

My Strange Idea for Today

I am ... 01101110 01100001 01101110

The Magic of Being Two

Do you know about Yin and Yang

Its forces .. Its nature .. Its spiritual symbolic meaning

Yin and Yang has always been my favorit symbole... i even put it in front of me at my office

Yin and Yang has been the symbole of perfection out of contradiction
Yin and Yang is the magic of integrating two different forces to make a whole complete circle - the most perfect shape that has been ever created

Yin and Yang is the symbole that reflects the current story of my life

I Got Married

I have broken the circle of sadness and fear

I united my soul with another soul

I am experiencing the true meaning of Yin and Yang

Two different characters

Two unlike pieces of puzzles
Two diverse souls

Met .. Repulsed .. Attracted .. Fell .. United

I am Yin .. He is Yang

I am darkness .. He is light

I am the moon .. He is the sun

I am the shade that shelters him .. He is the brightness that shows me the way

I am the arms in which he rests .. He is the arms that turn the wheel of life

I am earth, the mother, the seed bearer .. He is Heaven, the Father, the seed giver

I am matter .. He is energy

I am water .. He is fire

I am the body .. He is the head

I am the interior .. He is the exterior
I conserve our relations .. He transforms our relation from one level to the other

I am Love .. He is life

I am Yin .. His Yang

I Got Married

living the aspects of Yin and Yang relationship, with all its magic

* Yin and Yang are Opposit: body .. soul .. mind ..

I am short .. He is tall

He is tanned .. I am white

I am spiritual .. He is scinetific

He is futuristic .. I am old fashioned

My mind runs behind the secrets of the universe .. His mind is robotic and computerized
He is a leaders .. I am a Priestess

*Yin and Yang are inter-independant: cannot exist without each other

waking up in the morning with a smile i am his and he is mine

my existence in this life depend on his existence in mine

It is not about the bond of mariage .. it is about the integration

Life is him .. Life is me .. Life is US .. and our future to be

*Mutual Consumption of Yin and Yang

Giving .. consuming feelings .. demanding love .. mutual sharing .. the union .. the us

I devour his feelings .. He feeds on mine

our minds .. our brain cells work on the same wave length .. filling our minds with knowledge

our souls .. fly over clouds of pure feelings .. over the fresh breezes of sensuality

our bodies .. our cells are calling each other .. integrate .. unite .. as if they were made from the same matter

*Inter Transpformation of Yin and Yang: one can change into the other, it is not random event, it happens only when the time is right

I am his female version.. I am acquiring his characters .. he is acquiring mine .. we are disolving in each other to the extent of being one .. to the extent of being same .. to the extent of speaking same words, doing same acts, at the same time , to the extent of when we look in each others faces we see each other faces

Yin an Yang has been always my favorit symbol ...

but now it is not just a symbol...

It is a way of life...

My strange Idea for Today

I am Two

Behind the Stone Face

I know a girl who knew many men in her life .. as a result of her exposure and life style

some were freinds

some were loving her madly .. but unfortunately ... from one side

and few she felt they worth trying with ... but end up with a complete rejection from her side

all that is practicaly normal .. during the course of our life .. we kow people that we categorize under the previous categories

but this is not why i am writing this ..

the pattern i have spotted through her stories has attracted my attention... :

"She mainly attracts men with brain ... with power ... with strong existence in life ... those who are loved and feared and greatly respected"

and behind their stone face .. she could find the most tender loving heart .. and transform the rocky feelings into a stream of water to the extent of writing her poetry .. and make them melt in an endless status of adoration and lust that can never be satisfied but with her

Man .. this simple yet complicated creature

what can ever touch the heart of a man with the previously mentioned qualities??

that is the question that i asked her several times, and i got nothing but a puzzeled smile from her side!!!

as i thought a lot about this matter .. and through reading the pattern of her stories and knowing her personality .. i could reach a one line rule

be simple .. be passionate .. be natural .. and above all be true .. and the most complicated Man will b yours

a complicated man .. is searching for shelter from the weight of his restless mind and wandering soul ... a shelter fromt he daily fights .. from the fakness that he can easily read through the others eyes

he is seeking his mother in you

a mother who is simple and take anything easily and lightly and make the most complicated issue going

a mother whose love is endless .. and whose passion about the silliest thing her son do is enormous .. making him feel as if he is the best man on earth

a mother who is so natural without any fake feelings .. and with a look like flowers showered with morning dew ... reading his most hidden thoughts .. and reach deep his fears .. washing them away

a mother who is true in everything she does .. and beleives in everything he does

mystery of life ... revealed

My Strange Idea for Today

I am a Mother

Reality Vs My Stubborn Mind

I woke up this morning with a feeling that i have neutralized a long time ago ..

neutralized out of my increasing sense of reality .. i didn't chose to grow up .. as a Friend of mine told me the past week .. i am just overwhelmed with loads of critical events that take place in my life.

back to the feeling

i have always been complaining that i don't have a definite feeling of reality .. nor a definite feeling of a world of my own creation... i am in between

for a while i sunk my mind in that sweet soft world of mine .. my master piece of all time ... a world of my own creation .. where i live, breath, feel, love... and it did me really well .. i became the woman i wish .. and all my feelings poured out of my mind in the form of stories that enchanted others

and then reality struck me with cold winds of duty .. so i have to pack and leave my world ... but with a promise to be back once in a while .. and it happened .. every now and then .. i go visit my other life .. live for a while .. then go back to reality .. until

reality consumed my time and mind .. and i lost all contact with my world

i was confused .. but i adapted fast .. for i didn't had the luxury to lay down and think ... i have only one path ... act and never react .. others fate was hanged in my neck .. so i have to move .. and put back my armor, sword and shield .. call for all my forces .. and fight for the good of others and myself

weary of fights ..

longing for my true self ... an enchantress from other time

but blinded with duty .. deafened with calls of help

so i had to keep fighting mercilessly, fiercely, and fearlessly

until yesterday....

i felt it coming, but didn't believe it ... after all this time .. the gates of my world are open again .. glowing under the morning soft rays of lights ..

i slept and woke up

not knowing where i am

not knowing who i am

try to figure out

do things out of habit .. not out of realization

i feel my world again

i listen to the angelic music .. even the devilish cries of shadows beneath earth

i smell the flowers of the spring .. and even the blood of the fights between good and evil

i hear the melodies of harps played by nymphs of forests ... and even the clings of verocious swords searching for blood

i touch the soft warm clouds with my pinkish toes .. and even the hard rocks beneath the stream of the river

i am back

no

not fully

still on the edge of two worlds

back again to point zero

my stubborn dreamy mind is pushing me away from reality

and reality is pulling me under calls of duty

to which i will bend ... to which i will belong ... in this critical time ?

My Strange Idea for Today

Defensive Mechanism .. The Runaway ME

Quotes about MEN

Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever. ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone. ~ Blaise Pascal

God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him. ~ Unknown

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot. ~ Oscar Wilde

A man may conquer a million men in battle but one who conquers himself is, indeed, the greatest of conquerors. ~ Buddha

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~ Billy Crystal

Men play the game; women know the score. ~ Roger Woddis

When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself. ~ Louis Nizer

Few men have been admired of their familiars. ~ Michel de Montaigne

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. ~ Kin Hubbard

If it’s true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers. ~ Doris Day

All men [are] of one metal, but not in one mold. ~ John Lyly

The greatest truths are the simplest, and so are the greatest men. ~ Julius Charles Hare

If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman. ~ Margaret Thatcher

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. ~ Robert Frost

The desire of excessive power caused the angels to fall; the desire of knowledge caused men to fall. ~ Francis Bacon

Priests are not men of the world; it is not intended that they should be; and a University training is the one best adapted to prevent their becoming so. ~ Samuel Butler

Men are only as great as they are kind. ~ Elbert Hubbard

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. ~ Confucius

In the long run, men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, they had better aim at something high. ~ Henry David Thoreau

It is a fact often observed, that men have written good verses under the inspiration of passion, who cannot write well under other circumstances. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won't make you cry

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” - Oscar Wild

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” - Elyan Boosler

My Strange Idea for today

and they call women complicated lol :D:D